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版本较长详细。
我在2010年经人介绍与我现在的妻子认识，介绍人告诉我说她是在一家银行工作的，确实是单身，有两套房子。她想与外国人成家并移民到西方去，我当时对中国女人比较感兴趣。因为我对挪威女性有一些看法，在挪威，与我年龄相仿的女性中，大约25%的人都是吸烟者，而没结婚的女性中这一比例更高，我讨厌吸烟，肯定不会和一个吸烟的女人在一起。剩下的不抽烟的女性却大部分都比较肥胖，我真不认为肥胖的女人能吸引我（我自己本身就有些胖）。剩下的部分适婚女性，或许并不抽烟，也不肥胖，但是却爱好酗酒。
我不反对适量的饮酒，但是我讨厌醉酒，我从小在美国长大，从来没有办法接受挪威的喝酒文化。我无法认同因醉酒争吵、打架的社交环境，他们总是把自己灌得酩町大醉，昏倒在地，然后做出呕吐或者小便到自己身上这样滑稽的事情。除去抽烟、肥胖、酗酒的女性，剩下的还有部分是精神不稳定的，我曾经当了近40年的护工，接触的是弱智、精神病、精神不健全或者疯子。现在我退休了，我不希望和这样的人结婚。
我的太太英语水平非常有限，所以我们大多数时候是通过谷歌翻译来交流的——当然只采用它看起来正确的部分。我和她的母亲、她的儿子还有她在一个有保卫的小区里生活了总共8个月时间。2011年2月我们结婚了。我一直以来都非常的清楚她最初跟我在一起的目的或许主要是为了移民到西方，过上更好的生活。她性格非常好，对我也特别照顾，我甚至一开始相信她是爱我的。我们的性生活并不怎么和谐。有一次她竟然在和我做爱的时候接别人的电话！不过，我希望我们学会怎么样更好的沟通以后，我们的两性关系会得到改善。
她曾经提到过，她需要每个月为她的公寓房还银行贷款。我们聊Skype的时候她说，
“你不用为我担心，我有打算。”
我们结婚后，她告诉我，到2012年2月，她需要偿还25万元！这对她来说是不可能的，因为她的月收入只有4000。
我以为这里面是不是有什么误会，因为这看起来不可能完成。有的时候谷歌翻译数字是错误的，也许应该是2.5万元而不是25万。而且她毕竟是在银行上班的，她应该知道自己有多少能力。然而随着时间的推移，我才知道了一些令人担忧的关于我妻子经济状况的问题。
我发现她在炒股！并且赔了钱。更令我极度难以理解的是，她告诉我她要继续炒股，“把输的钱赢回来”！我告诫我妻子，即使是亏了，也希望她能停止炒股，卖掉手上的股票。我还发现，我妻子在中国人民银行的工作与金融事务并没有多少必然的联系，她的工作内容只不过是拍拍照、摄摄影。
我们利用家庭团聚签证，在2011年7月初来到了挪威。这个签证只能持续一年，并且需要每年都更新的。三年以后我妻子就能获得永久居留许可证。
我妻子在银行的月薪大约是3800元，她请的假期是不带薪的。我决定给她每个月4000元作为她发不到工资的补偿。此外，我还包揽了她在挪威所有的开支——包括吃、电、出行等等。2011年7月和8月我们骑摩托车去了挪威、德国、瑞士、丹麦等地旅游。8月末，我妻子开始学习挪威语。9月的时候，我问我妻子她有没有像我之前强烈地、明确的要求的那样，停止在中国的炒股。她哭了，然后说她的股票被套牢了！
她又提到她还需要在2012年2月之前偿还25万元的银行贷款。
她试图怂恿我从自己的银行账户里面取出25万元来借给她，我拒绝了。因为在这件事情上面，很明显她是不具备能力且不负责任的。
我向家庭咨询办公室作了咨询。在挪威，家庭咨询办公室是一个免费为遇到难题的家庭提供顾问和翻译的机构。最后，我和我妻子达成了一致，我借给她5万元，她将会在2012年5月的时候还给我。2011年12月，我们带着5万元从挪威来到了中国。
我给了她一半，不知道为什么她没有问我要剩下的2万5，她也没有偿还我.
我们结婚后，两性关系就像石头沉海一样跌入谷底。她说她每天都要在银行上班所以没兴趣做爱，她还说，等我们到挪威后，她不用工作了，我们的性生活应该会变好一些。事实上，2011年7月我们到挪威以后，性生活并没有任何改善。我觉得有部分原因是因为文化差异。虽然我63岁了，但是我曾经与前一个性伴侣有过非常和谐的性关系。我妻子的行为使我觉得她正与我背道而驰。我需要感觉到我妻子真正的愿意并乐意和我做爱。
在我看来，性爱并不只是一方为另一方服务，它不该是“给予”，也不该是成为倒垃圾或者扫地一样麻烦的事情或者任务和工作。我无法和充气娃娃做爱，也无法和一个正在打电话的人做爱，当然，也无法和把性爱当作是必须应付的任务的人做爱。
我妻子学挪威语的速度并没有一开始预想的快，大部分问题存在于沟通方面。我们需要一个中文说得好并且懂得中西方文化差异的人来帮忙，最好是专业的并且处理过类似的夫妻问题的人，医生、临床医师或者心理学家。这位专业人士必须合法地为我们保守秘密，他还需要特别地来了解我妻子和我，因为并不是所有的西方男士都是一样的，也不是所有的中国女性都是一样的。最后，他/她最好是能够给我关于我妻子的有参考意义的建议。或许，我正在做的事她会不喜欢，又或许她喜欢的事我却没有做，我也希望这位专业人士能够给我的妻子关于我的一些可取的建议。
我在网上查询并找到了一个在挪威的中国医生，他是在中国接受教育的，曾经在上海国际妇幼保健医院工作过，他在该医院做过避孕和IDU有关的研究。从1984年起他就在挪威从事医生工作。他肯定有这个资格给我们关于性爱问题的建议。他应该能够帮助我们，通过向我和我的妻子解释一些在东西方性爱习惯上的文化差异。
我妻子固执的拒绝了这位医生，她说那让她感到很尴尬。但是，令我费解的是，她却能大大方方地和她的兄弟、姐妹、还有在挪威或者是网上遇到的中国人谈论我们之间的两性问题，丝毫不觉得尴尬。这些非专业的中国人是不会按照法律约束的协议保守秘密的。我妻子能从这些非专业的中国人那里得到什么好的建议呢？更何况还是在基于她对这个问题单方面的陈述上面。难道她能从跟她具有同样的文化背景的人身上得到好的建议吗？这就好像和镜子对话一样。我真的不相信我妻子把我们之间的问题比较客观地告诉给了那些人。如果她只是抱怨给那些朋友听的话，别人肯定给的是对我们来说不好的建议。她们当然会同意她的看法，并且把这归结为我的而不是她的问题。请注意，我写的是“我们的两性问题”，而不是单指我妻子的问题，也不是单指我的问题。这是我们的问题。毕竟，性关系是男女双方的。
一个不和谐的性关系，通常会使得双方中的某一位去寻找外遇。这肯定也是我们双方遇到的一个问题。还会导致互相猜疑和不信任。我妻子将对我所谓的虐待性控制的抱怨说给每个人听，我感到非常的不愉快。比如抱怨我不允许她和男性同学接触。我对于她和别的男人接触是没有反对意见的，但是我强烈反对她欺骗我、对我撒谎。本文后面还会有更多例子。如果我之前和哪个女人保持隐秘的关系而瞒着她的话，她肯定也是不乐意的。离婚也像一个连锁反应一样，同样是我们之间的一个大问题。
就像之前提到的，我妻子的签注必须每年更新一次。2012年的冬天，我很犹豫还要不要这么做。我们的性关系不和谐，我妻子也很固执地不采取任何措施来补救。她拒绝停止炒股。拒绝卖掉她七星公园附近的大公寓房然后买一个相对便宜的她能承担的房子。我一多半的收入花在了中国！我妻子在中国的经济状况似乎成了一个永久危机，我曾经多次听说过她和她兄弟、以及与她的经济状况有关的人之间的谈话。我不懂中文，但是我能看出这些谈话内容都不好，伴随着争吵、绝望、放弃、沮丧等情绪。我妻子眼里经常有泪珠。她的弟弟陷入了赌博和其它一些高风险的投机里。
另一项跟她兄弟有关的危机大约出现在2月10号左右，他从他公司里面借了辆车，但他没有驾照，之后，他引起了一起交通事故并且把几个人伤的挺厉害，而且，他居然抛下伤者逃离了事故现场！对伤者的补偿和修车的钱达到了25万！此外，他还需要面临刑事控诉。
2013年初的时候，我妻子的兄弟还向一个女人借了3万。他没有能力偿还，然后就像个懦夫一样躲着这个女人。这个女人就联系了我妻子，于是我妻子必须分期偿还给她。
由于我妻子不愿意从家庭咨询办公室或者任何其它专业人士那里得到帮助，我基本已经决定了不为她续签2012年的签注。
由家庭团聚签证来到挪威的外国人，按要求是应当去参加挪威语课程和社会学习的。社会学习的老师是一个叫做玛莎的从台湾来的女人。玛莎是一名护士，1971年来到挪威。或许，她能够帮助挽救我和我妻子的婚姻。所以我又重新决定为我妻子续签2012年的签证。
我们开始频繁地拜访玛莎，一开始我觉得她不怎么喜欢我。由于我和我妻子之间的问题大多都是由于语言障碍引起的，所以玛莎开始当起了我们的翻译，并针对我们的某些婚姻问题给出建议。实际上，玛莎劝告过我妻子取消我之前已经和家庭咨询办公室约好的会面然后改换成她！玛莎说家庭咨询办公室会泄露我们的秘密所以不可信！
八月份的一个晚上，我妻子接到了玛莎打过来的一个电话。我不会说中文但是我听到他们的谈话里多次提及到附近一个游乐园的名字。随后电话就给了我，玛莎说她有一些游乐园的门票。一些中国朋友打算星期天19.08
2012.陪我妻子去游乐园。玛莎计划里没有邀请我一起去，即便是我在那里确实什么也不会玩。而且，他们到时候会在游乐园到处闲逛，说中文。玛莎问我行不行。我说没问题我不介意（难道我能说不吗？）。然后把电话给了我妻子。他们约定好周日去游乐场之后，就愉快的挂断了电话.
我用谷歌翻译翻译了下面这些句子：我并不认为玛莎希望我总是陪你一起。有一次玛莎给我建议叫我不要送你去她那里，而让你自己乘车过去。她说乘公车能够起到帮助你学挪威语的作用。
我妻子看了之后立马就发怒了，然后在纸上写下了谷歌翻译上面的话。感觉就好像是她在搜集犯罪证据一样！我问她在干嘛。她没回答我。我写到她一定是彻底误解了我。之后她拿着抄下来的东西走过去准备给玛莎打电话。我叫她仔细考虑一下。她最后还是没有打过去。我用谷歌翻译写了下面这些句子：
“我完全不反对你去参加活动！我周日也没有什么计划。我认为去游乐园对你有好处。我觉得你单独和其它人在一起对你也比较好。如果你决定不去了，我不希望将来听到你说是我不让你去的。我也不希望听到说你不去是我造成的过失。我没那么坏。”
我妻子就说她不去了因为太阳很晒。（她不喜欢大太阳）可我还是觉得她会考虑带把雨伞然后去。
第二天早上我们两个去了她的医生那里，拿掉了她戴了24小时的血液压力计。
我让她自己付200克朗的医疗费用。
我让她自己付钱的原因是：几个星期前她坚持让我开车到她医生那里获取她的糖尿病Ⅱ型的患病证明（英文版的），她认为这能够使她得到她的雇主——中国央行的医疗保险。为了获取这个证明，我来回两趟，还花掉了250。我认为这个文件对此根本起不到任何作用。结果它浪费了（我）的时间和金钱。另外我还有点受不了她那些欲望，比如她吵着要买个6000多的手机，她想花15000把她儿子接到挪威来玩两个星期不到。她已经在一个幼儿园里面工作并取得了报酬，日常生活中的开销都是我付的，她账户里也超过了4万块了，她理所当然能够付得起给她医生的这200块。
我们从医生那里回来后，她就狂怒的直接走到电脑那里给玛莎写了封邮件。她的电脑离我的很近。她写的时候似乎十分气氛。她发送完邮件之后，我问她是不是在写关于游乐场的事，还是说在写关于我的事。她没回答。最后她说她写给玛莎说因为太晒了所以她不去游乐场了。她否认了她写了些什么关于我的事。她拒绝翻译邮件给我或者抄送我一份。
几天之后我和玛莎进行了一次长时间的谈话.
玛莎跟我说她怀疑我妻子最初嫁给我的动机。从我和玛莎的谈话中我了解到我妻子对我的态度一直都是消极和不信任的。我开始怀疑我妻子正在伪造我虐待她的证据。玛莎当时也在帮助其她的声称自己在家庭关系中被虐待的中国妇女。她帮她们逃至妇女收容所。
玛莎说，我妻子的信里并没有提到我，如果我需要的话她可以转发给我！
我没有要她转发，但是她这种行为让我感到十分的奇怪，甚至觉得这种行为有一些不道德。因为她没有让我妻子知道或者得到她的许可，而这封信一开始我妻子是拒绝给我看的！玛莎是个老师，也是个护士，虽然没有得到公认，但是现在正在扮演着一个翻译、一定程度上还是婚姻顾问的角色！
没有背着我妻子让玛莎把邮件转发给我，我给我妻子写了封信，信的内容是关于这个邮件还有其他一些我希望玛莎能够帮助我翻译给她的事情。玛莎到我们家里来了，谈论了这封信。玛莎当着我妻子的面说，她第二天会把我妻子的邮件转发给我！我妻子表示沉默。我惊讶了，玛莎确实明天会在我妻子不允许的情况下把我妻子的邮件转发给我！？为什么我妻子不直接给我看呢？第二天，我接到了玛莎发来的邮件，邮件里贴上了我妻子写的内容。我回复到，“你能把含有我的内容的邮件转发给我么？这封邮件看起来比我看到的那封短了很多。”
玛莎回复到“我删了她写的那封邮件，现在只有从我发给她的内容里面复制的部分。”
回复:
你好！
陈教师：您好！谢谢你的好意！星期天的活动我还是不参加了。今天早上，我去医院继续
测量我的血糖，现在我已经想好了，没什么大不了的事，从今后，我就象头一年这样过，自己最要紧做的事情就是学习语言。找到一份工作.
祝 好！代我向陈医生问好！
根据谷歌翻译：
Chen teachers: Hello! Thank you for your kindness! Sunday I still do not
participate in the activities. This morning, I went to the hospital to
continue to measure my blood sugar, I've thought, no big deal from the
future, and I like the head a year this way too, the most important
thing to do is to learn the language. To find a job.
Best wishes! On behalf of
Dr. Xiang Chen I say hello!
根本没有提到我！问题是上面的文字很显然被编辑过，因为大部分字体都是宋体的，但文本的末尾部分“找到一份工作.”的自己居然是Times
New Roman! 而且我虽然不懂英语但是我相信这个标点应该是“。”而不是“.”？
我写了下面的话给玛莎，
“玛莎，
你15.09.12发给我的邮件是编辑过的，所有写到我的部分都被删掉了。你让我妻子撒了慌。你不道德的行为对我和我妻子的婚姻产生了损害，而且我到现在也不知道我能做点什么。我希望你把这封信当成警告。我不想，也不愿我的家庭再与你产生任何的瓜葛。”
玛莎给了我新的回复，再一次说她删除了我妻子发给她的邮件并且回复的内容确实是我妻子原始邮件的转发！！我认为她再一次犯了个错误!
陈教师：您好！谢谢你的好意！星期天的活动我还是不参加了。他表面回答你，心里是很不高兴地。他与你通完电话，就对我生气了，他说，为什么没有他的票？说你不喜欢他。等等。。。。今天早上，我去医院继续测量我的血糖，几百块钱的费用他叫我付了。这是很明显的不高兴。现在我已经想好了，没什么大不了的事，从今后，我就象第一年这样过，自己最要紧做的事情就是学习语言。找到一份工作。有了工作一切自己做主。
祝 好！代我向陈医生问好！
根据谷歌翻译：Chen
teachers: Hello! Thank you for your kindness! Sunday I still do not
participate in the activities. Surface, he answered you, and my heart is
very unhappy. You pass the phone on me angry, he said, why did not he
votes? That you do not like him. And so on. . . .This morning, I went to
the hospital to continue to measure my blood sugar, the cost of a few
hundred dollars, he told me to pay. This is obviously upset. Things I've
thought, no big deal, from the future, and I like the head a year so
too, the most important thing to do is to learn the language. To find a
job. With work everything themselves.
Best wishes! On behalf of
Dr. Xiang Chen I say hello!
玛莎删除了所有关于我的文字，邮件的第一部分显然会造成误解。我并不认为我妻子真的觉得我会反对她和朋友去游乐场。对于她要去游乐场的事情我一点都不生气。看上去她是在尝试伪造我虐待她并控制她正常人际交往的证据，我都不敢相信她会这样。从这封邮件可以看出她对于和我建立一个家庭并没有什么兴趣，她主要的目的是获得永久居住权。
无论如何，我妻子多次向我撒谎并和玛莎一起试图欺骗我的行为是毋庸置疑的。这对我们的婚姻造成了极大的危害。婚姻应该建立在互相爱慕，信任和坦诚的基础上。
以下的事件对我们的婚姻造成了更大的伤害。
我妻子在距离我们挪威的家12公里的一个村庄里上挪威语课程。我每天开车送她去上课。我们家往东3.5公里的另一个村里也有供外国人上的学校，但在另一个区。这两所学校有时会共同举办一些活动。学校有一些维吾尔难民。有一个是医生，为人非常友好。他妻儿在中国。去年春天他买了一辆二手摩托车，并骑着摩托车来拜访我和我妻子。这辆车没有灯也没有执照。他并没有认识到挪威的法律有多么严格。我们把摩托车放在我的货车里，并开到了他家，使他免受了巨额罚款。他独自住在我家往东3.5公里的那个村庄东北边1.3公里的一个公寓里，公寓就在医院后面。其他的维吾尔难民并不友好，一个学生告诉我她跟该医生说了几句话后便听到其他的维吾尔难民因为他跟女人说了话而指责他。我想他们应该是逊尼派穆斯林。
2012年9月2号，一个星期天，大约早上十点半时，我妻子说想骑自行车来回我家往东3.5公里的那个村庄作为锻炼。她很少骑车去周围的地方。由于车子较旧，链条有时会掉，所以我有点担心。况且她对挪威的交通规则一点都不熟悉。她特意给我看了她带去的那瓶水和她用来装水瓶的一个包。我觉得这事有点蹊跷，因为自行车上原本就自带了可以放水瓶的配件。况且天气并没那么热，在平坦地带7公里也并不远。
大约十二点左右，我开始有点不安了。这个村庄很小，在周日就像是废墟。所有的店都关门了。也许自行车漏气了或坏了，或许发生了交通事故！又或许她迷路了！她以前由于剧烈运动昏厥过。于是我骑着摩托车去了这个村庄，但是没找到她。我又骑去了医院，在医院我看到她正离开维吾尔难民的住所。她看见我时很尴尬也很吃惊。她打开袋子，拿出她从医生那开的确认她有糖尿病的证明，暗示我她访问难民的目的是让他们帮忙翻译这个证明。这很荒谬，因为这个证明只有一句话，“我确认这位病人患了糖尿病II型”，况且这句话我以前用谷歌翻译并认真解释过给她听，而且玛莎是护士。这显然是她在为联系难民找借口。如果我看到她带着证明出门，我就会问她为什么锻炼身体需要带着证明。但是她把证明放在袋子里，我只看到了水瓶，她就糊弄过去了。
很明显，我的妻子试图用计划好的骗局和谎言背着我和这个男人联系。在这个问题上我并不想说太多或盘问她，因为那只会到来更多的谎言。我让她打给玛莎，可是没联系上。
2012年9月3号，也就是第二天，周一，我早上十点在奥斯陆有个会议，我不确定能否准时赶回家送我妻子去那个村庄上课，课程在12:15开始，她估计骑自行车去的话要花40-45分钟，因为她必须首先骑3.5公里到东边的那个村庄，然后骑12公里到南面的那个村庄。我们越好如果我11:15前没赶回家里，她就骑自行车去上课。我09:10去了奥斯陆，会议很早就结束了，10:55我就回到了家。我妻子居然已经走了！我开车去了东面的村庄，并在路的东侧遇到了她。按道理她应该在路西边才对！她说她提前10分钟离开家的。我想她是不是又去他那里了。
我该怎么做呢？我有一个是骗子的妻子。我有一个我不能信任的妻子。我有一个对于和我做爱毫无兴趣并联合其他男人一起欺骗我的妻子。她和玛莎合伙捏造我虐待她的证据。一旦拿到了挪威的永久居住证，她很可能就会第一时间和我离婚。
现在，我只想和我妻子离婚，并把她送回中国。我100%肯定她在对我撒谎。但我不能100%肯定上面的其他事情。如果她拒绝回到中国，那么这个困扰着我的问题可能会一直持续到2013年07月。因此我决定努力修复我们的关系。我开始与她圈子里的人进行接触，包括在中国的人，从而了解她的一些信息，并获得建议。
虽然阻力很大，我还是带着翻译官说服我妻子陪我一起去家庭咨询办公室。她用谷歌翻译写下了下面的句子
“我是不愿意去办公室的。我认为我们之间没有问题”
(I do not want to go to the office. I think that there is no problem
between us)”。
在翻译官和家庭咨询办公室的协助下，我们一共开了六次家庭会议。对于2012年12月21日的一个会议我做了记述，并添加了自己的评论。
以下是这个会议的部分内容，包括一些澄清和反思。
考虑到法律约束的保密性。
2012年07月09号，我取消了与家庭咨询办公室的预约。2012年07月08号，一个星期日晚上，玛莎和她丈夫来拜访了我和我的妻子。玛莎是中国移民必须参加的两周社会学习课程的老师。在玛莎和我的妻子用汉语谈了很久之后，玛莎告诉我，我们不能信任家庭咨询办公室会遵守具有法律约束力的保密协议。这部分是汉语翻译官翻译过来的。在挪威，谣言会在中国人的圈子里面传播。玛莎建议我们把她当做翻译官和中介而不是家庭咨询师。但是在我看来，家庭咨询师或翻译官不遵守保密的法定义是简直让人无法想象。
顾问和中文翻译声称他们一定会遵守保密的法定义务。
我的妻子说，她真的没有任何需要家庭咨询办公室帮助的“地方”。她说我们的婚姻中不存在大问题。但根据要求，她还是提出了一些问题。
1、当她来挪威时猫舍和房子的一团糟状况。
我的回答是：在猫的处所这件事情上，从一开始我就100%诚实地跟我妻子说明了。她也看过许多我的猫的照片和视频。当我在中国的时候，从2010年10月到2011年7月间的大多时候，一个流浪人呆在我家里帮我照顾猫。这期间，他没有使用过淋浴和洗衣机，也没有打扫过房子！对此，我每月给我妻子4000元作为家务劳动的补偿。此外，她还获得了卖猫崽崽的40000元钱。
2、我妻子说，当她来到挪威我总是会问她在给谁打电话，而我却不想让她碰我的手机。
我的回答是:
这是因为她会用我的充值卡打电话给她在中国的兄弟！那会非常昂贵！我之所以不想让他按手机上的按键，是因为她不认识挪威语中的“删除”、“呼叫”、“呼叫转移”、“回复”等词语。她可能以为这里和中国一样用手机是非常便宜的，而误解我是在限制她。
3、在中国时我拒绝给她买中国的电脑。
我的回答是：在中国买电脑这件事完全是错误的，我当然得反对。其实在中国买电脑并不比挪威便宜很多，而关键原因是质保。由于中国审查的原因，在中国售卖版本的Windows操作系统去除了一些特性。再说，两种电脑的键盘反正是一样的。不过，她应该先学会挪威的一些单词，如“删除”，“保存”，“另存为”，“取消”等。
4、她认为我阻止她为海林娜唱歌，她得到一封海林娜的邮件18.05.2012
我的回答是：这是不正确的，一个明显的误解。她不明白电子邮件中的挪威语言，这与唱歌毫无关系。
5、我的妻子说，她觉得被控制了，她不能单独去任何地方。她说，她在挪威没有朋友。
我的回答是：这与我在中国所经历的完全一样，我不会说汉语，也不会阅读汉文。在中国，没有人说英语，我无法单独乘坐公共交通工具或出租车，我无法独自去购物，我完全由我的妻子摆布和控制着！事实上，对我来说实际情况更差！在中国又没有免费的汉语课程。我妻子至少还能从挪威劳工及福利局得到帮助，而我在工作和融入当地文化方面得不到任何帮助。
我解释说，在夏末和秋季已经发生了一些事情，有些涉及到玛莎，我感到非常震惊和失望。
鉴于此，我进行了一些观察。
1.
我和玛莎联系过几次，且有一次差不多跟她在电话中聊有2个小时之久；
2.
我妻子和玛莎之间的谈话已经被一些人用他们的母语中文讨论过了；
3.
我一直在与一些了解我妻子的人保持联系；
4.
我了解我妻子，并且经常试着去读懂她或者看穿她的一些行为；
我妻子和玛莎之间的联络内容可以理解为：我妻子打算在她学会了挪威语之后找份工作，然后取得挪威永久居留权，随后第一时间离开我。我妻子和玛莎之间的谈话内容对我的评价很负面，涉及到了一些不正确的控诉。我也听到了一些我妻子向玛莎以及其他人抱怨对婚姻不满的消息。
我因为希望和我的妻子永久建立起一个互爱，信任，忠诚和诚实的婚姻而走到一起。我想和她拥有一个美好的未来。这是我在上次的会议中说过的并且我也写下来了。如果我的妻子想离婚，我不反对。我会支付她回中国的费用，并确保她的财产被送回中国。我不会对结婚后所获得的夫妻双方共同财产提出索赔。
关于我的一些指控和负面的评论实际上是站不住脚的，这让我觉得她只是想要利用移民法案的条款，第53章（b）条。
第53章：在独立的基础上，居住权的延续
按照第40和第41章法律，有以下条件作为前提的基础上，持有居住证的外国国民将能够独立获得一个新的居住证：
（b）同居关系结束，有证据显示，在同居关系中此外国国民或任何小孩遭受过虐待。
我知道在妇女收容所中有个中国女人带着她的孩子，他们声称都遭受到了精神虐待，就像第53章中说的那样。玛莎也给予了这件事情的很大的帮助和建议。她的帮助是值得尊敬的，然而她和我妻子合伙欺骗我并伪造电子邮件的事情是应受到强烈谴责的。移民被要求参加的社会学习班中有这样一位做出如此恶劣行为的老师是令人不安的。玛莎说她不确定我妻子嫁给我的动机。
我不喜欢采取强烈的警告或威胁，尤其是针对那些与我关系亲近的人。这可能导致了我在之前会面的时候没有把自己的意思表达清楚，所以我反复在这里写这点。
我不会容忍任何人对警方或其它公共机关所说的，关于我的任何谎话，虚假信息和诬告。我会把大量资源用在处理那些诬告我的人上。为了获得在挪威非法居住对公共机关谎称虐待的事会让我不得不立即申请离婚。
把虚假的第53条去除对于未来建立我们的关系来说是一个先决条件。
只要我妻子十分肯定地认为她受到了任何形式的虐待，那我们必须重视这件事。我认为有必要对我妻子做一个专业鉴定，以确定她是否真的受到了任何虐待。
在会议上我同意继续接受家庭咨询服务的帮助。
理查德•诺顿
抄送：玛莎
除了记下会议的内容外，我还写了下面的邮件给玛莎。
收件人：玛莎
主题：希望不要再插手这件事
2012年12月12日
玛莎：
从我和我妻子在家庭咨询办公室的交谈报告来看，我们都努力试着去挽回我们的婚姻。我们都知道，现在我妻子每年都更新签证。在三年之后，她将拥有永久居住证。
你当然知道在移民法案（utlendingsloven）第53章中，给出了一种对外国人开放申请签证的方式，“同居已经停止，并有理由确定在这段同居关系中有外国人或儿童被虐待”。
你和我的妻子之间的一些沟通似乎是一项策略，编造我虐待她的虚假证据。一个具体的例子就是在2012年8月16日，我的妻子发送给一封电子邮件给你并拒绝让我读这封邮件，邮件里含有对我的虚假指控和非常消极的言论。
我2012年8月18日写过一封邮件给你，是关于她给你发的邮和我们之间关于她去Tusenfryd游乐场的小分歧。你也在2012年08月24号我们电话的中提到了你怀疑我妻子嫁给我的动机。你声称在邮件中没有任何我的负面评价。让我很惊讶的是，你竟然主动提出要把我妻子拒绝让我看的那封电子邮件转发给我。我忽略了你的提议。
在2010年09月14号的一次谈话中，我们谈到我妻子不止一次地背着我和另一个男人见面的事情时，你再次提出要把她的邮件转发给我。你把我妻子的邮件抄送了一份给我，这封邮件中，你将关于我和她来挪威的动机的负面内容都删除了。当我让你把包括邮件主题在内的整封电子邮件都发给我时，你对我撒了谎。
你在处理我们这件事情当中的所作所为非常的不道德。我妻子提到的某个要点应该是被解释成为她最初的动机只是想要取得永久居留权，而不是家庭团聚。你是在故意教唆一个外国人伪造证据从而取得永久居住证吗？
我绝对没有虐待我妻子，无论身体上还是心理上。
关于她儿子要来挪威的这件事上，我提出问题，根本不是虐待。
关于花7000多块去给她买一个手机是否明智，我提出问题，也根本不是虐待。
为了使我们双方的性关系更和谐，而要求我妻子陪我一起去看医生，也根本不是虐待。
按照孔夫子说的“己所不欲勿施于人”，我要求我妻子不要和其它男人幽会等等，也不是虐待。
与第53章有关的虚假指控，包括通信、笔记、和其它信息，即便是你没有参与，也将会成为最直接的证据移交给警方，移民当局（UDI），妇女收容所
(Krisesentersekretariate og Krisesenteret i Follo)，和所有相关的公共机构。而且，我还会尽我所能，将此事披露在独立媒体上面，比如博客、YouTube等等。
如果曾有与此事相关的法定程序，你便会作为目击证人被传唤作证。
在我看来，如果你不再纠缠到这件事情中来，对我们大家都有好处。
祝好！
理查德•诺顿
Haugenveien 37
1400 Ski
抄送：家庭咨询办公室
在家庭咨询办公室的协助下，我们总共开了六次会议，可是收效并不大，这几乎都是与我妻子并不太愿意参加有关。
那时候我们的一个中国朋友学习开车以便取得驾照。她英语说的不错。我答应教她开车，如果她能帮助我和我的妻子的关系。我妻子也同意了。从2012年12月至2013年3月，我花了很多时间告诉她我和妻子的关系中存在的问题，并讨论可能的解决方案。她也花了很多时间和我妻子沟通。这比家庭辅导办公室效果稍好，主要是因为我们花了大量的时间。有时，每周15小时或更久！然而，这还是太短，也来得太晚了。
2013年03月，我被告知她和一个男人在网上调情并谈及见面。
这是她想找一个男友的另一个信号。
与我的妻子交流几乎是不可能的。2013年3月起我开始和她的兄弟联系。我希望和她兄弟沟通，使让他理解他给我妻子带来了多么大的经济负担。可他也没有理解我的意思。我又写了好几封信强烈要求我妻子回中国处理好她的经济问题。
我收到了她兄弟的一封回信，信上说我应该为每月只给我妻子4000元而感到羞愧，“4000仅能基本维持生活而已，”他写道，“从现实情况看她不可能一到挪威就能工作，因此，你每个月给她的4000只不过是个很基本的生活保障，要知道，在中国每个人都有义务赡养自己的父母”
在这点上我说完了，让桂林的人来评价一下，每月4000元生活费是不是在贫困的边缘。（我妻子的父亲去世了，她的母亲有一份不错的养老金，并且她的儿子已经21岁了。）
2013年4月，我得知我妻子一直与妇女收容所保持联系。我妻子实际上想要回到中国，但是她的兄弟却坚持要她留在挪威赚钱来帮他偿还债务；为了留在挪威，我妻子、我妻子的兄弟以及其他一些不明人士讨论，并给她出了去妇女收容所的计划，根据我的个人信息考虑对我进行不实的性虐待指控。通过这种方式，他们可以在继续留在这个国家并且可能将签证延长一年。
当得知这一消息后，我立刻到警局和移民局说明了真实情况。我向妻子提出了离婚并希望她尽快回中国去。
我妻子找到了要在2013年5月4日回桂林的一个朋友，她让我也帮她买一张那天回桂林的机票，我买了，花费7446。
不幸的是，有些人建议我妻子不要回到中国去。他们建议她搬到妇女收容所，然后虚假指控我曾经虐待过她！我没有得到机票的退款。
我从来没有用和任何方式虐待我的妻子，身体上、性生活上、精神上都没有。她所指控的全部都是虚假的，唯一的目的就只是为了巧立名目地取得挪威签证。
我将会尽我所能的阻止她用关于我的谎言欺骗性地获得挪威的签证。
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A
longer detailed version.
I was
introduced to my future Chinese wife in 2010. The person who
introduced her to me told me she worked in a
bank, was a well-known singer and had two houses. She wanted
to meet a foreigner and immigrate to the west. I was interested in
Chinese women. I have some problems with Norwegian women.
Approximately 25% of the Norwegian women in my age group are smokers.
I believe that percentage is very much higher in the group of available
(not married) women. I hate smoking. I will not be together
with a woman that smokes. Of the remaining nonsmoking women a
large percentage are fat. I do not find fat women sexually
attractive. (It is terribly unfair because I am a bit fat myself!)
Of the remaining nonsmoking women that are not fat, many use alcohol
excessively. I don’t mind moderate alcohol use but I despise
drunken people. I grew up in the USA and I never have accepted the
Norwegian drinking culture. I don't find social settings than include
drunken brawls, arguing, fighting, and people drinking so much that they
pass out vomiting and urinating on themselves any fun. Of the remaining
nonsmoking women that are not fat and are not drunks a good percentage
are mentally unstable. I have worked as a nurse for nearly 40
years with retarded, psychotic, mentally unsound and crazy people.
I’m retired now and I do not wish to marry one.
My
wife spoke very little English so most communication was through the
Google translator – for what it’s worth. I spent a total of about
eight months living with her and her mother and son in a large
apartment in a guarded
neighbourhood. We got married February 2011. I have always
been well aware that her primary reason for marrying me was to immigrate
to the west and perhaps have a better life. However she was very
nice and took good care of me. I believe she loved me in the
beginning. Our sexual relationship was not very good. Once
she answered the telephone while we were having sex! Hopefully our
sexual relationship would improve when we learned to communicate better.
She
mentioned she had monthly payments on a bank loan on her apartment. On
Skype she wrote:
“I have a plan, you need not worry.”
After
we got married, she told me she had to pay 250,000 yuan by February
2012! This is impossible to do because she only had a monthly
income of 4000. Because it seemed impossible I assumed there was
some misunderstanding. Sometimes the google translator translates
numbers incorrectly. Perhaps it was 25,000 and not 250,000.
And after all she works in a bank; certainly she knows what she’s doing.
As time went on I learned some disturbing facts about my wife’s
financial situation.
I
found out she was gambling on the Chinese stock market! She had lost
money. I was extremely alarmed when she told me she was trying to
“win lost money back” by continued gambling in the stock market! I
pleaded with my wife to stop all gambling in the stock market and sell
all her stock – even if it meant a loss. I found out my wife’s job
in the People’s Bank of China was not at all related to financial
affairs! My wife’s job was to take photographs and video.
We
came to Norway in the beginning of July 2011 on a family reunification
visa. The visa is for one year only and must be renewed every
year. After three years my wife can get a permanent residence
permit.
My
wife’s income at the bank was about 3800. She took a leave of
absence without pay. I decided to give her 4000 every month to
compensate for loss of income. In addition I pay for all living
costs here in Norway – food, electricity, travel etc. In August and July
we took several trips with the motorcycle here in Norway and Germany,
Sweden and Denmark. At the end of August my wife started taking
Norwegian language class. In September I asked my wife if she had
stopped gambling in the Chinese stock market as I had previously
strongly recommended. She began to cry and said her stocks were
now untradeable! She also said she must pay the bank 250,000 for
the loan on her apartment by February 2012.
I was
tempted to borrow 250,000 from my own bank and give to her. I
decided against it because it was apparent that she was incompetent and
irresponsible regarding financial affairs.
I made
an appointment with the
family
counselling office. The family counselling office is a free
service in Norway providing counsellors and translators for families that
are experiencing difficulties. At the meeting we reached an
agreement that I would lend her 50,000. I was to be paid back
sometime in May 2012. We went to China in December 2011 with
50,000. I gave her 25,000. For some unknown reason she never
asked me for the other 25,000. I have still not been paid back.
Our
sexual relationship sunk like a stone shortly after we were married.
She said she was not interested in sex because she had to work in the
bank every day. She said our sex life would be much better when
she got to Norway and did not need to work.
After
arriving in Norway July 2011 our sexual relationship continued to
decline. I believe this to be partially a result of cultural
differences. I am 63 but I have had fully satisfactory sexual
relationships with previous woman. My wife was doing things that
turn me off. I need to feel that the woman actually wants and
enjoys sex with me. Sex should not be
something that one person does for another person. Sex should not be
“given”. Sex should not be an inconvenience or a chore or job like
taking out the garbage or sweeping the floor. I
cannot have sex with a plastic doll. I cannot have sex with
somebody who is talking on the telephone. I cannot have sex with someone
who considers it a chore for a duty they must endure.
Much
of the problem had to do with communication and my wife was not learning
to speak Norwegian as fast as expected. We needed someone who
spoke good Chinese and understood the cultural differences between the
east and the west. Preferably a professional
person with experience and training with couples that have such
problems. A doctor, therapist or psychologist. A professional is
legally bound to confidentiality. This professional would need to get
to know Jing and me. Not all men in the west are the same.
Not all Chinese women are the same. This professional would eventually
be able to give me valuable advice about my wife. Maybe I am doing
things she does not like. Maybe I am not doing things she likes. This
professional would eventually be able to give my wife valuable advice
about me.
I
searched on the Internet and found a Chinese doctor in Norway. He
was educated in China and worked at the Shanghai International Mother
and Child Health Care Hospital where he did research on contraception
and aspects related to IUD. He had been practicing as doctor in
Norway since 1984. He would certainly be qualified to give advice
about sexual matters. He would be able to help by explaining to
both my wife and I some of the cultural differences between the east and
the west regarding sexual behaviour.
My
wife adamantly refused
to have anything to do with this doctor. She said it was too
embarrassing. Strangely she suffers no
embarrassment at all discussing our sexual
problems with her brother, sister, Chinese
people she meets in Norway or Chinese people online.
Non-professional Chinese persons with no
legally binding confidentiality agreement. What kind of advice will my
wife get from non-professional Chinese people with her biased
presentation of the problem? Will she get good advice from people who
have the same cultural background as she? It is like talking to a
mirror. I do not believe my wife presented the problem to these people
in a constructive way. If my wife presents the problem to others as a
form of complaint she will certainly receive bad advice. They will of
course agree with her and say it is your husband’s problem, not hers.
Notice I write “our sexual problem”. It is not her problem alone.
It is not my problem alone. It is our problem. A sexual
relationship is what binds a man and a woman together.
The
consequences of an unsatisfactory sexual relationship are often that a
person eventually gets attracted to a person outside the relationship.
This is certainly a problem for both of us. It can also result in
suspicion and mistrust. I am annoyed by all her complaints to just about
everyone my wife talks to about my alleged abusive control. For example
claiming I do not allow her contact with male students. I have no
objections against my wife’s contact with other men. I do have very
strong objections if such contact is intentionally kept secret with
deception and lies. More about that later in this letter. My wife
would certainly have objections if I had contact with a women that was
intentionally kept secret from her. Divorce is also a likely
consequence and that is indeed a problem for both of us.
As
mentioned before, my wife's visa must be renewed once a year.
During the winter of 2012 I had very serious doubts about renewing my
wife’s visa. Our sexual relationship was not satisfactory and my
wife adamantly refused to take any steps to improve. My wife
refused to stop gambling in the stock market. My wife refused to
sell her large apartment in a guarded neighborhood near the seven star
park and buy a cheaper one that she can afford. More than half my
income was being sent to China! Her financial situation in China
seemed a permanent crisis. I have heard many conversations between her
and her brother and of the people regarding her financial situation.
I don’t understand Chinese but these conversations were definitely not
happy conversations. The conversations were characterized by
arguing, desperation, resignation and depression. My wife often
had tears in her eyes. My wife’s brother is involved in gambling
and other high risk financial acrobatics.
My wife's brother Liu
Jing Chuan QQ 1411397741
A
new crisis regarding her brother occurred around the 10th of
February 2012. He borrowed a car from his company. He does
not have a driver license. He got in an accident and seriously
injured several people. He fled the scene of the accident
abandoning the injured! The compensation to the injured and
reparation of the cars came to 250,000! In addition he faces
criminal prosecution.
He
also borrowed 30,000 from a woman at the beginning of 2013. He
cannot pay the money back and hid from the woman like a coward.
The woman contacted my wife. My wife must pay the woman in
installments.
Because of my wife’s reluctance to get help from the
family counseling
office or any other professionals I had pretty much decided I would not
renew her visa in 2012.
Foreigners on a family reunification visa are required to take Norwegian
language courses and social studies. The teacher for social
studies was a woman named Martha from Taiwan. Martha was a nurse
and had been in Norway since 1971. Perhaps this Martha could help
to save our marriage. Because of Martha I decided to renew my wife
visa in 2012.
We
started visiting Martha quite often. I don’t think Martha liked me very
much in the beginning. Many of the problems in our relationship were
partly due to the language barrier. We started using Martha as an
interpreter and Martha gave us advice on some marital problems! In fact
Martha persuaded my wife to cancel an appointment I had made with the
Family counseling office with an interpreter and use her instead! Martha
said the Family counseling office could not be trusted to keep matters
confidential!
One
evening in August my wife received a telephone call from Martha. I don’t
speak much Chinese but I heard the name of a nearby amusement park
several times. The phone was given to me. Martha says she has some
tickets to the amusement park. The plan is that my wife and some other
Chinese persons that we’re friends with shall accompany her to the
amusement park on Sunday 19:08.12. Martha did not plan that I should
come along. No point that I accompany if I do not do anything there (go
on rides). Moreover, they will go around and speak Chinese. Martha
asks if this is ok. I said its ok I don’t mind. (Well, what else could I
say?) I give the phone back to my wife. The conversation ends in a good
tone with an agreement to go to the amusement park next Sunday.
I
wrote the following in the Google translator: I do not think Martha
likes that I always accompany you. One time Martha suggested to me that
you should take the bus and train to her home instead of me driving you
there and accompanying you. She said taking the bus would help you learn
Norwegian!
My
wife became immediately enraged and began to write down on a paper what
was on the Google translator. It was almost like she was
collecting evidence for some sort of crime! I asked her what she
was doing. She refused to answer. I wrote that she must have totally
misunderstood. She goes over to the telephone with the transcript and
means to call Martha. I wrote that she should reconsider. She eventually
puts down the phone. I wrote the following on the Google translator:
"I have absolutely nothing against you participating!
I have no plans for Sunday.
I think it would be good for you to go. I think it is
ok for you to be together with other people without me present.
If you decide not to go I do not want to hear in the
future that I refused you! I do not want to hear in the future that it
was my fault you did not go. I am not a bad person."
My
wife then said she will not go because of the sun. (She does not like
too much sun) I say she can take an umbrella and that I really think she
should go.
The
next morning we went to her doctor to remove the blood pressure meter
she has had for 24 hours. I asked her to pay the 200 kroner doctor bill.
The
reason I asked her to pay is this. A few weeks previous she
insisted I drive to her doctor to obtain certification in English that
she has diabetes Type 2. She believes this will help her pension issue
with her employers – Peoples Bank of China. The certificate cost me 250
and 2 trips to her doctor. I do not believe this document will have any
impact whatsoever on her pension issue. Consequently it is a waste of
(MY) time and money. Also I was a bit fed up with her bickering about
her desire to buy a mobile telephone for 6000 +, desire to spend money
(15000) to bring her son to Norway for less than 2 weeks. She has worked
in a kindergarten and received money. I pay for nearly everything. She
has over 40.000 yuan in her account and can afford 200 for her own
doctor!
When we got home from her doctor she was furious and went straight to
the computer and wrote an email to Martha. Her computer is right next to
mine. She seemed very angry while she wrote. After she sent the mail I
asked her if she was writing about the amusement park and if she was
writing anything about me. She refused to answer. Eventually she said
she wrote to Martha to inform that she was not going to the amusement
park because of the sun. She denied that she had written anything at all
about me. She refused to translate the mail or send me a copy.
I
had a long talk with Martha a few days later. Martha told me she
had doubts about my wife’s motive for marrying me. From the
conversation with Martha I understood that my wife had been talking in a
very negative and untruthful way about me. I began to wonder if my
wife was fabricating false evidence of an abusive relationship.
Martha at that time was helping another Chinese woman who claimed she
was an abusive relationship. Martha helped this woman flee to the
woman’s shelter.
Martha said there was nothing in my wife’s letter about me and she would
forward my wife's mail if I wanted!
I
ignored her offer but I found it quite surprising and a bit unethical
that Martha would forward, without my wife’s knowledge or permission,
the letter my wife refused to let me read! Martha is a teacher and a
Nurse and is acting, albeit unofficially, as an interpreter and to some
extent as a marriage counselor!
Instead of having the mail forwarded behind my wife’s back I wrote a
letter to my wife regarding this mail and other things that I wanted
Martha to translate for my wife. Martha came to our home and we talked
about my letter. Martha said, in front of my wife, that she would
forward my wife’s mail tomorrow! My wife said nothing in protest. I
thought – Wow! Martha is actually going to forward the mail that my wife
refuses to show me!? Why doesn't my wife just show it to me? Next day I
received a mail from Martha but with the text of my wife’s mail pasted
in the mail. I replied “Can you forward the actual mail including
headers to me. This mail appears much shorter than the one I saw her
write.”
Martha replied “I deleted the mail she wrote. All I have is a copy from
the reply I sent her.”
Subject: Re: 你好！
陈教师：您好！谢谢你的好意！星期天的活动我还是不参加了。今天早上，我去医院继续
测量我的血糖，现在我已经想好了，没什么大不了的事，从今后，我就象头一年这样过，自己最
要紧做的事情就是学习语言。找到一份工作.
祝
好！代我向陈医生问好！
According to the Google translator: Chen teachers: Hello! Thank you for
your kindness! Sunday I still do not participate in the activities. This
morning, I went to the hospital to continue to measure my blood sugar,
I've thought, no big deal from the future, and I like the head a year
this way too, the most important thing to do is to learn the language.
To find a job.
Best wishes! On behalf of Dr. Xiang Chen I say hello!
Nothing written about me at all! Problem is the above text appears to
have been edited. Most of the text is the Chinese font SimSun. The
period at the end of this text “找到一份工作.
” is Times New Roman! I don't know Chinese but I believe the period
should be “ 。”
and not “ . ”?
I
wrote the following to Martha
“Martha
The
mail you sent 15.09.12 was edited. All that was written about me was
removed. You have involved my wife in a lie. Your unethical behavior has
been harmful to our marriage and I still have not decided what to do
about it. You can take that as a warning. It is my wish and hope that we
never have anything to do with you ever again.”
Martha wrote a new reply stating again that she had deleted my wife’s
mail but the reply was actually a forwarding of my wife’s original
mail!! I think Martha made another mistake!
陈教师：您好！谢谢你的好意！星期天的活动我还是不参加了。他表面回答你，心里是很不高兴地。他与你通完电话，就对我生气了，他说，为什么没有他的票？
说你不喜欢他。等等。。。。今天早上，我去医院继续测量我的血糖，几百块钱的费用他叫我付了。这是很明显的不高兴。现在我已经想好了，没什么大不
了的事，从今后，我就象头一年这样过，自己最要紧做的事情就是学习语言。找到一份工作。有了工作一切自己做主。
祝
好！代我向陈医生问好！
According to the Google translator: Chen teachers: Hello! Thank you for
your kindness! Sunday I still do not participate in the activities.
Surface, he answered you, and my heart is very unhappy. You pass the
phone on me angry, he said, why did not he votes? That you do not like
him. And so on. . . .This morning, I went to the hospital to continue to
measure my blood sugar, the cost of a few hundred dollars, he told me to
pay. This is obviously upset. Things I've thought, no big deal, from the
future, and I like the head a year so too, the most important thing to
do is to learn the language. To find a job. With work everything
themselves.
Best wishes! On behalf of Dr. Xiang Chen I say hello!
Martha has removed all the text referring to me. The first part of the
mail could be just a normal misunderstanding. However I do not believe
my wife actually believes I had objections to her going to an amusement
park with friends. I was not at all angry. It seemed to be
an attempt to create false evidence of an abusive and controlling
relationship but I just could not believe it. The letter does not
give the impression she is interested in a family with me. The letter
made me think that her primary goal was a permanent residence permit.
In
any case it is beyond the shadow of a doubt that my wife several times
lied to me and in cahoots with Martha attempted to deceive me.
This did great harm to our marriage. A marriage should be based on
mutual love, trust and honesty.
The
following event caused even greater damage.
My
wife goes to Norwegian class in Ås a village 12 km south of our home
here in Norway. I drive her every day. There is another village Ski 3.5
km to the east that has a school for foreigners but it is in another
district. Sometimes these two schools have activities together. There
are several Uyghur refugees. One is a doctor and is quite friendly. He
has a wife and child back in China. Last spring he bought a used
motorbike and came and visited my wife and I. The bike had, among other
things, no lights and he did not have a license. He was unaware of the
strict Norwegian laws. We put the bike in my van and drove to his home
to avoid him getting a heavy fine. He lives alone in an apartment 1.3 km
north east of Ski the village 3.5 km to the east of my home behind the
hospital,. The other Uyghur refugees are not so friendly and one of the
students told me that she was talking to him, the doctor, and she later
heard the other Uyghurs criticizing him for talking to a woman. I
believe they are Sunni Muslims.
Sunday, 02 September 2012 at approximately 10:30 my wife said she wanted
to ride the bicycle to Ski the village that is 3.5 km to the east of us
and back to exercise. She has occasionally bicycled in the neighborhood.
I worry a little because the bike is old and the chain sometimes comes
off. Also she is not at all familiar with traffic conventions in Norway.
She
made a point of showing me a bottle of water she would take and a small
purse she would use to carry the water bottle. I thought it was a little
strange because there is a holder for a water bottle on the bike. Also
it was not all that hot and 7 km on flat terrain is not all that much.
At
approximately 12:00 I began to be uneasy. The village is small and like
a ghost town on Sunday. All the shops are closed. Maybe the bike is
punctured or damaged perhaps there has been an accident! Perhaps she is
lost! She has been known to faint with strenuous exercise. I drove to
the village with my motorbike but she was nowhere to be seen. I drove to
the hospital. At the hospital I met her leaving the residence of the
Uyghur refugee. She seemed quite embarrassed and surprised. She opened
the small purse and took out the certificate from her doctor confirming
that she has diabetes indicating that the purpose of her visit with the
refugee was to get his help to translate the certificate. This is
totally ridiculous. The certificate has only one (1) sentence in English
"I confirm that this patient has the diagnosis Diabetes II" has been
translated with Google translator and thoroughly explained to her by me,
and Martha whom is a nurse! This is obviously just a pretext for
contacting the refugee. If I saw her taking the certificate with her I
would probably have asked her why she would take a certificate with her
on a bicycle ride to exercise. This problem was solved by hiding the
certificate in the purse and showing me the water bottle.
It
is quite clear that my wife tried to keep her contact with this man
hidden from me by the planned deception and lies. I did not want to talk
too much about it or ask questions because that can just lead to more
lies. I asked her to call Martha but she was not available.
The
next day, Monday, 03 September 2012, I had a meeting in Oslo at 10:00
AM. I doubted that I was back in time to drive my wife to school in Ås,
the village 12 km to the south. She figured it would take her 40-45
minutes to bicycle to school that started at 12:15. She must first
bicycle 3.5 km to Ski, the village to the east and then 12 km to Ås the
village to the south. We agreed that she would start to bicycle to
school if I was not back at 11:15. I went to Oslo at 09:10. The meeting
finished early and I was home again at 10:55. My Wife had already left!
I drove to Ski the village to the east and met her on the EAST SIDE OF
THE ROAD. She should have been on the WEST side! She claimed that she
had left home 10 minutes earlier. This makes me wonder if she was
visiting him again.
What should I do? I have a wife that is a liar. I have a
wife that I cannot trust. I have a wife that is not interested in
a sexual relationship with me and is apparently trying to cheat on me
with other men. She seems to be trying to fabricate evidence of an
abusive relationship in cahoots with Martha. She will most likely
leave the marriage as soon as she gets a permanent residence permit in
Norway.
Actually this point I wanted to divorce my wife and get her to return to
China. I was 100% sure she was lying to me. But I was not
100% sure about some of the other things above. Also if she
refused to return to China I could have a problem lasting possibly until
next July 2013. Therefore I decided to try to repair the
relationship.
I
established contact with people in her social network, including persons
in China, to gain knowledge and advice.
With considerable resistance I convinced my wife to accompany me to the
Family counseling office with an interpreter. She wrote the
following in the google translator:
”我是不愿意去办公室的。我认为我们之间没有问题”
(I do not want to go to the office. I think that there is no problem
between us).
We
had had a total of six meetings with Family counseling office with an
interpreter.
I
wrote an account of one of the meetings, 12.12.2012 with my comments
added.
Partial account of the meeting with the Family counseling office
21.11.12 – some clarifications and reflections.
Regarding legally bound confidentiality.
I
informed about the reason for canceling the appointment with the Family
counseling office 09.07.12. Sunday evening 08.07.12 my wife and I
had a visit from Martha and her husband. Martha is the teacher for
the two week social studies class that Chinese immigrants are obliged to
participate in. After Martha and my wife had talked a lot together in
Chinese, Martha told me that we could not trust the Family counseling
office to adhere to the legally binding confidentiality agreement. This
was particularly regarding the Chinese interpreter. Rumors could
circulate in the Chinese environment in Norway. Martha suggested we used
her as an interpreter and mediator instead of family counseling. I
thought that it was almost inconceivable that family counseling or
interpreter would not comply with their statutory duty of
confidentiality.
The
counselor and Chinese interpreter assured that they would comply with
their statutory duty of confidentiality.
My
wife said she really did not see any need for assistance from family
counseling "whatsoever". She said we had no major problems in the
marriage. Upon request, she mentioned a few problems.
1. The cats and the house's
condition when she arrived.
My answer: I
have been 100% honest with my wife about my cattery from the very
beginning. She has seen many pictures and
videos of my cats. While I was
in China, much of the period between October 2010 up July 2011 a
homeless person stayed at my home and looked after the cats. He has not
used the shower or washing machine during this period! He has not
cleaned the house during this period.
I give my wife 4,000 each
month as compensation for housework. In addition she earned 40,000
from the sale of kittens.
2. My wife said when she came to
Norway I always asked her who she was calling on the telephone. She
claims that I did not want her to touch my mobile phone.
My answer:
This is because she would call her brother in China with my prepaid
card! That would be extremely expensive! I did not want her
to press the keys on the mobile phone because she did not know the
Norwegian words for "delete", "call", “call forwarding”, “reply”, etc.
She may have misinterpreted me as being very restrictive for in China it
is very cheap to use mobiles.
3. I refused to buy her a Chinese
computer when we were in China.
My answer:
This is completely wrong. I certainly had some objections. It is
not significantly cheaper to buy a computer and China than in Norway.
There is a problem with warranty. The Chinese version of Windows sold in
China is missing some features because of Chinese censorship laws.
Keyboard is identical to the western keyboard. Last but not least, she
should learn Norwegian words like "delete", "save", "save as", "cancel"
etc.
4. I denied / prevented her from
singing cf. email from Helene 18.05.12.
My answer:
This is not correct. An obvious misunderstanding. She did not understand
the Norwegian in the e-mail. It had nothing to do with singing.
5. My wife said she felt
controlled. She cannot go alone anywhere. She says she has no
friends in Norway.
My answer:
This is exactly as I experienced it in China! I could not speak or read
Chinese. No one spoke English. I could not take public transportation or
taxi alone. I could not go shopping alone. I was completely at the mercy
and control of my wife! It was actually worse for me! No free
Chinese course for me. No help for me with work and integration like my
wife gets from the Norwegian Labor and Welfare Administration.
I explained that there have been some incidents late
summer and autumn, some involving Martha, which I found shocking and
very disappointing.
In light of this I have made some observations.
1.
I have corresponded a bit with Martha and on one occasion spoke nearly
two hours with her on the phone.
2.
My wife's correspondence with Martha is evaluated by several people with
Chinese as their mother tongue.
3.
I have been in contact with other sources who know my wife.
4.
I know my wife and often manage to “read" her / see right through her.
My
wife's correspondence with Martha contains text that can be interpreted
to mean that my wife is planning to leave me as soon as she learned the
language, got a job and a permanent residence permit in Norway. The
correspondence between my wife and Martha describes me in a very
negative way and contains statements that are not correct. I have heard
that my wife has expressed dissatisfaction with the marriage to Martha
and others.
I
married my wife because I wanted a permanent marriage based on mutual
love, trust, loyalty and honesty. I wanted to build a future with her. I
said that at the last meeting and repeat it in writing. If my wife wants
a divorce, I will not oppose it. I'll pay her return journey to China
and will help to ensure that her property be sent back to China. I will
not submit a claim for division of community property acquired after
marriage.
Some of the negative comments and accusations have no basis in reality
and this makes me wonder if this is a strategy in terms of the
Immigration Act, Section 53 letter (b).
Section 53 Continuation of a residence permit on
an independent basis
A foreign national who holds a residence permit
pursuant to section 40 or section 41 shall upon application be granted a
new residence permit on an independent basis if:
(b) cohabitation
has ceased, and there is reason to assume that the foreign national or
any children have been abused during the cohabitation relationship.
I
know a Chinese woman who has been in the woman’s shelter with her son
due to alleged psychological abuse cf. Section 53 above.
Martha has been heavily involved in this case with advice and other
assistance. Martha's involvement in this matter may well be honorable
but her involving my wife in lies, and Martha’s falsification of e-mail
is completely reprehensible. Such behavior from a nurse and teacher of
the social studies class immigrants are required to attend is
disturbing. Martha said she was unsure about my wife's motives to marry
me.
I
dislike strongly making warnings or threats, particularly aimed at those
who are close to me. This may have caused me to express myself in an
unclear less understandable matter at the previous meeting so I repeat
it in writing here.
I
will not tolerate any lies, false information or false allegations about
me to the police or any other public authority. I am willing to devote
significant resources to dealing with people who make false allegations.
False claims about abuse to public authorities with the intention of
obtaining unlawful stay in Norway will lead to immediate petition for
divorce.
Elimination of a false section 53 case as a parachute is a prerequisite
for further constructive work with our relationship.
If
my wife sincerely believes that she has experienced events that can be
described as some form of abuse this must be taken seriously. I think it
is appropriate with a professional evaluation of my wife to determine if
she has been the victim of some form of abuse.
It
was agreed upon at the meeting that it was desirable to continue with
assistance from family counseling.
Richard Norton
Copy to: Martha Chan Tsai
In
addition to the copy of the above account from the meeting I wrote the
following email to Martha.
E-mail to Martha Tsai Chan
Subject; kindly refrain from any further involvement in this affair.
12.12.12
Martha Tsai Chan
As
you can see from the report from the meeting my wife and I had at the
family counseling office we are trying to save our marriage.
As
you know my wife renews her visa each year. After three years she will
be eligible for a permanent residence permit.
You
are of course aware of section 53 in the Immigration Act (utlendingsloven)
which gives a foreign national an opening to apply for a visa when
“cohabitation has ceased, and there is reason to assume that the foreign
national or any children have been abused during the cohabitation
relationship.”
Some of the communication between you and my wife appear to be a
strategy to fabricate false evidence of psychological abuse on my part.
One concrete example is an e-mail my wife sent to you 16.08.12 which
contained false allegations and very negative remarks about me which my
wife refuses to let me read.
I
sent you an e-mail 18.08.12 about her e-mail and the contrived conflict
regarding your invitation to the Tusenfryd amusement park. You also
mentioned in our telephone conversation 24.08.12 that you were unsure of
my wife’s motives for marrying me. You claimed that there was nothing
negative about me in the e-mail and quite to my surprise offered to
forward the e-mail my wife refused to let me read! I overlooked your
offer.
During a discussion 14.09.12 regarding, at least one, meeting with a man
which my wife attempted to hide from me you again offered to forward her
mail to me. You sent me a copy of my wife’s e-mail where all the
negative remarks about me and her motives for coming to Norway were
removed. You then lied to me when I asked you to send the entire e-mail
including headers.
Your behavior in connection with this affair is highly unethical. One of
her remarks could be interpreted such that her primary intention is not
family reunification but to gain a permanent residence permit. Are you
knowingly aiding and abetting a foreigner to gain a residence permit
under false pretenses?
I
do not abuse my wife physically or psychologically.
Raising questions regarding problems that could occur in connection with
her son coming to Norway is NOT abuse.
Raising questions about whether it is prudent to use over 7000 to buy
her a mobile telephone is NOT abuse.
Asking that she accompany me to a doctor for the purpose of improving
our sexual relationship is NOT abuse.
Asking that she follow the Confucius principle "Do not do to others what
you do not want done to yourself" i.e not telling the truth, secret
meetings with men etc. is NOT abuse.
False allegations related to section 53, even if you are not involved,
will result in immediate forwarding of all correspondence, notes and
other information to the police, Directorate of Immigration (UDI), The
Women's Shelter (Krisesentersekretariate og Krisesenteret i Follo) and
all other relevant public authorities. In addition I will do everything
in my power to expose the case in the media including independent media,
blogs, YouTube and the like.
If
there ever are any legal proceedings related to this affair you can
expect to be summoned as a witness.
In
my opinion it would be in the best interest of all parties that you
refrain from any further involvement in this affair.
Regards
Richard Norton
Haugenveien 37
1400 Ski
Copy : Family counseling office
A
total of six meetings with the Family counseling office had marginal
effect. This is almost entirely because of my wife’s unwillingness
to participate.
A
Chinese friend of ours was learning to drive a car so she could get her
driver’s license. She speaks fairly good English. I agreed
to teach her to drive a car if she could help my wife and I with our
relationship. My wife also agreed with this. From December
2012 until March 2013 I spent many hours with this woman telling her
about the problems in our relationship and discussing possible
solutions. She also spent a lot of time talking to my wife.
This had a somewhat better effect then the Family counseling office
mostly because of the enormous amount of time involved. Sometimes
15 or more hours a week! However it was too little too late.
In
March 2013 I was told that she was flirting online with a man and
talking about meeting each other. Another source told me she
wanted to get a boyfriend.
It
was almost impossible to communicate with my wife. I started a
correspondence with her brother March 2013. I wanted to
communicate to her brother and get him to understand the enormous
financial burden he was placing on her. I was not being
understood. I wrote several new letters strongly suggesting that
my wife return to China to fix her financial affairs.
I
received a reply from her brother stating that I should be ashamed that
I only give my wife 4000 every month ”4000 is
just a very basic life support” He writes “从现实情况看她不可能一到挪威就能工作，因此，你每个月给她的4000只不过是个很基本的生活保障，要知道，在中国每个人都有义务赡养自己的父母”
I
rest my case on this one and let the people of Guilin decide if 4000
every month is at a brink of the poverty level. (My wife’s father is
deceased, her mother is well taking care of with a pension and her son
is 21 years old.)
April 2013 I received information that my wife had been in contact with
the woman’s shelter.
My wife actually wants to return to China but
her brother insisted she remain in Norway to earn money to help pay his
debts. My wife, her brother and some other unknown persons were
discussing going to the woman’s shelter. According to my
information false allegations about sexual abuse were being considered.
This way she could remain in a country and possibly get a visa for
another year.
When I found out about this I went immediately to the police and the
department of immigration and told them. I filed for divorce and
told my wife I wanted her to return to China as soon as possible.
My
wife found out a friend of hers was also
returning to Guilin 4th of May 2013. She asked me to buy a
plane ticket to Guilin on that same day. I bought the ticket for
7446.
Unfortunately someone has advised my wife
to not to return to China. They advised her to move
to the woman’s shelter and make false allegations that I had abused her!
I do not get the money from the plane ticket refunded.
I
have never abused my wife physically, sexually or psychologically.
These allegations are entirely false. The purpose of these
allegations is simply to gain a visa in Norway under false pretenses.
I
will do everything in my power to prevent that she fraudulently gets a
Norwegian visa through lies about me and deception.
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