Handwritten letter my wife wrote.
I found this handwritten letter my wife wrote after she went to the women’s shelter 25.04.13. I was curious about what it was. A few days ago I photographed my wife’s letter and sent it to a Chinese friend of mine to find out what the letter was about. Here is the letter transcribed to Chinese and translated to English. It was not easy to transcribe the letter because my wife’s writing was very sloppy. My comments to the letter in English are in red text. I would appreciate if someone could translate my comments to Chinese.
第一篇：你给我4000元一个月，我在这里为你整理，打扫这个价家的卫生，和照顾你的生活，我付出的代价绝对超过4000 元，我是一个便宜的家庭护工，并且 我还受到限制和约束。
You gave me 4000 Yuan per month, and I was here to manage and clean your home, took care of you. What I did far exceeded the value of 4000 Yuan. I am a cheap home caretaker, while I was limited and controlled by you.
My comment: Not only did I give you 4000 Norwegian kroner* every month I also gave you 25.000 in December 2011 to help with your bank loans. In addition I gave you all the money from selling cats – about 40.000. I pay for absolutely everything else! Electricity, food, internet, telephone, Skype telephone so you can ring to China, electricity, house insurance 9000, car reparations (about 30.000 per year), fuel for the car and motorbike,(about 1300 just to fill the tank of the car), sometimes we go to a restaurant (in Norway 400-700 Yuan for two people), your doctor appointments and doctor certificates, 3 trips for us between China and Norway plus expenses (conservative estimate approximately 20.000 X 3 = 60.000 plus 7446 for the flight you did not use.), 6 trips to Germany, two trips to visit your Chinese friend in Denmark. Trips to Spain, Sweden, Shanghai etc.
(* Norwegian kroner and Chinese Yuan are nearly the same. 1000 Norwegian kroner (NOK) = 1020.54 Chinese renminbi (Yuan) (CNY))
You have the audacity to complain that 4000 is not enough payment! You were here two years and never washed a window! You have never used the vacuum cleaner! The only floor you ever washed during your two years here was the cat room. I have taken some photographs of the kitchen the day you left.
A confusing pile of garbage and food stacked up helter-skelter against the wood stove in the kitchen.
The kitchen table the day my wife left.
I lived in your apartment in China for about eight months. Housekeeping and kitchen hygiene is definitely not an activity you score very high in. You also stored food on your kitchen floor together with garbage. Actually I’m quite amazed that I did not get sick. There were worms and maggots on your bathroom floor and not just a few! I can get a professional housecleaning firm to come here and clean for about 350 kroner an hour. I can easily get non-professionals for 120-150 per hour.
As I mentioned in one of the meetings with the family counselling office I can understand you may have felt there were limitations and control. This is exactly how I felt living with you in China! I could not speak or read Chinese. No one spoke English. I could not take public transportation or taxi alone. I could not go shopping alone. I had no friends. I was completely at your mercy and control! It was actually worse for me! No free Chinese course for me. No help for me with work and integration like you get from the Norwegian Labor and Welfare Administration.
You have never been controlled or limited by violence, threats or force! Never!
你养猫7 年，从来没有打扫房间卫生，造成房间有蛆虫， 整个住房散发刺鼻熏人的 臭味。是我来到这里以后， 通过我的劳动才改变这种枯烂的卫生状况。
You have been having cat for 7 years, but you have never cleaned your room, resulting in some bugs living there and the whole room was emitting pungent odor. This kind of messy situation was changed through my labour after I came here.
My comment: That is not correct and you know it! While I was living with you in China, much of the period between October 2010 up July 2011 a homeless person stayed at my home and looked after the cats. He has not used the shower or washing machine during this period! He has not cleaned the house at all during this period of nearly a year.
你的朋友都 知道，你不该为你自己的 性快乐，来改变我的性生 活习惯，对我穿睡衣 觉，一个人洗澡，你坚决反对，，在狭小的浴室一定要2人淋浴，抚摸身体，一年来，我一直被这种无理要求 所束缚，我不能 放松我的身体，用你的方法寻找快乐.
AS your friends knew, you should not change my sex habits according to your own sexy happiness. You were dead set against my wearing pajama and taking shower myself. You asked us two to take shower together in your very small shower room so that you can feel, touch and stroke my body. For one year, I have been controlled by your unreasonable demands, I could not relax my body, you used your own way to pursue happiness.
My comment: The first year of our relationship, particularly before we were married, you apparently enjoyed immensely taking showers together with me. You also did not wear pajamas in bed at night. (Judging from some pictures you had on your computer predating our relationship, wearing pajamas in bed is not your habit either.) After you came to Norway our sexual relationship sunk like a stone in the sea. I tried to resolve the problem by seeking professional help for us. You adamantly refused to accept any professional help whatsoever. You did however discuss our private sex life with numerous individuals without my presence. Therefore I do not have a problem discussing our private affairs publicly. You have never been forced to take showers with me or sleep without pajamas by the use of violence, threats or force! I do recall an occasion where you wore underwear, a bra and a thick red bathrobe to bed. I responded by wearing my leather motorcycle jacket in bed! You may have felt that my wearing a motorcycle jacket in bed was abuse but that is not the kind of abuse section 53 of the Norwegian Immigration Act is intended for!
You said that I treated your friend(s) rudely
You helped me to pay the 20000 yuan debt. But I paid the cost of the electric boxes that you bought in China and your touring in China. Did you cover this cost for me?
My comment: It was 25,000 not 20,000. This was in December 2011. We both traveled to China for about two weeks. I gave you 25,000 and out of that money you paid for two network switches, total price 100. Three wireless network cameras total price 1550 and a bus trip WE took. You are complaining about that?
You spent 7000 yuan on getting a cat(s), I just took 7000 yuan, and returned 2000 yuan to you. I cleaned your cat room everyday, the money that spent on buying cat was willingly paid to me by you, I did not force you to return it to me
My comment: You earned about 40,000 from the sale of kittens. Yes I gave it to you quite willingly, I was not forced. I bought Food for several thousand, I don’t remember the exact amount, and you did indeed give me 2000 back. You certainly did NOT clean the cat room every day! At best you cleaned it once a week. I have timed you and it took you roughly 35 minutes to clean the downstairs cat room (2 X 4 meter) and the two upstairs cages.
4，感谢你用 1000元买了一架钢琴，很遗憾我没有经常使用 它。
I appreciate that you spent 1000 yuan on buying a piano for me. Unfortunately I did not often use it.
正是因为我的心， 和身体受到约束，是我无 法做到。
你出资金为我建立了一 个温室，在我和我的朋友辛苦劳动下种植了 蔬菜和瓜果，感谢你给我买了一台缝纫机，可是 你为什么不快乐，请问你，如果你 是我的丈夫，以上的事实你认为你做的很好吗？
Just because of my controlled mood and body, I cannot do… (Translator notes: I do not understand it, it seems cannot bear it). (She probably means not in the mood to play the piano.)
You invested to set up a greenhouse for me. Through the hard worked of my friend and me, we planted vegetables and fruits. I thank you for buying a sewing machine for me. But why are you not happy? Please ask yourself: Based on the above-mentioned facts, IF you are my husband, do you think that you did well?
感谢你不怕辛 苦，按时送我去学校 和工作，可是我为什么还不快乐？我被你 控制了，不能与外人接触，只有你参与的我才可以参与，我想使用中国电脑，被你拒绝，，我想买手机被你拒绝，我想儿子 来挪威看我，被你种种原因限制，儿子还没来，就 警告我，我不能因为儿子还没来就像 学校提出，我要你好好合作，怎样才能得到你 的帮助，来完成我儿子的申请，这是爱我吗? 我的丈夫吗？是理想 的丈夫吗?
I appreciate your hard work and what you did for me, you sent me back and forth between the school and my work on time. But why was I not happy? I was controlled by you, I cannot communicate with people outside, I just could attend those that you attended, I wanted to use Chinese computer, but you refused. I wanted to buy mobile, you refused. I wanted to ask my son to come to Norway to see me; this was limited by all kinds of your reasons. My son did not come yet, while you started to warn me, I cannot..(Translator note: I cannot understand this 我不能因为儿子还没来就像 学校提出) I asked for your good cooperation, how could I get your help to get my son’s application done. Was this that you love me? Were you my husband? My ideal husband?
My comment: About control. I have never controlled you. I have never prevented you from communicating with anyone. I have never prevented you from going anywhere. I have never refused to take you anywhere. If you wanted to go somewhere alone you had your own money. You may have felt controlled but it is entirely in your mind. I have never expressed disapproval about you communicating with anyone or going anywhere except on one occasion. Sunday, 02 September 2012 at approximately 10:30 you said you wanted to ride the bicycle to Ski and back to exercise. At approximately 12:00 I began to be uneasy. Maybe the bike is punctured or damaged perhaps there has been an accident! Perhaps you were lost! You have been known to faint with strenuous exercise like playing ping pong. I drove to the village with my motorbike but you were nowhere to be seen. I drove to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I met you leaving the residence of a man. It is quite clear that this contact was planned and you tried to keep the contact with this man secret from me by deception and lies.
I certainly disapprove of your deception and lies. A marriage should be based on honesty and trust. And this was not the first time you lied to me.
About the Chinese computer. I did NOT refuse you to buy a Chinese computer! I certainly had some objections. It is not significantly cheaper to buy a computer and China than in Norway. There is a problem with the warranty. The Chinese version of Windows sold in China is missing some features because of Chinese censorship laws. The keyboard is identical to the western keyboard. Last but not least, you should learn Norwegian words for "delete", "save", "save as", "cancel" etc.
Having objections is not the same as refusing you! You may consider my objections as abuse but it is not the kind of abuse section 53 the Norwegian Immigration Act is intended for!
About the mobile. I did NOT refuse you to buy a mobile telephone! The mobile you wanted to buy was over 6000 Norwegian kroner + a subscription 250 Norwegian kroner per month 2 year obligatory contract. I certainly had objections! I doubted if you would even be permitted to establish a two-year contract when you had no job or income. I suggested you buy a cheaper mobile. Having objections and suggesting alternatives is not the same as refusing you! I considered the 4000 I gave you every month and your bank account as your money. Had you bought the mobile telephone in spite of my objections I would have been disappointed. Being disappointed if not abuse.
About your son’s visit. To say it brutally your son is spoiled rotten! He does not work, does not go to school and he refuses to join the military. You provide him with a 110 M2 luxury apartment, a large flat screen TV, a computer to play games on all night to the early morning and your mother and your sister to take care of him. In addition you give him 750 a month. A very good income considering he doesn’t have to pay rent and has free housekeeping. It is not your son’s fault. It is your fault and the fault of China’s one child policy. There is actually nothing wrong with your son. Your son is basically a good and intelligent person. He is simply responding in a completely normal and adequate manner to a bad environment i.e. your bad parenting. This is known as the “Little Emperor syndrome”. Had I been brought up in his same environment I would have behaved similarly, perhaps worse.
I had 4 concerns regarding your son’s visit.
I tried to cooperate with you about these concerns without much success.
This conflict about your son’s visit was a second major blow to our relationship.