Below are some letters I sent to my wife's brother and sister. I started writing them because it became almost impossible to communicate with my wife. She just got angry or misunderstood things. Much of the problem was a financial burden her brother placed upon her. My wife actually wanted to return to China but her brother insisted that she stay in Norway and earn money to pay his debts. I wanted them, particularly her brother, to understand that the financial burdens were of great harm to my wife and the already faltering marriage. It was also my goal that her brother acquired a more realistic knowledge of the economic situation in Norway.
|This is the very first
letter sent only to my wife's sister. In my opinion my wife's sister has
good moral standards. Unfortunately she does not speak English and it is
evident from her answer (which I will not publish) that she did not
understand my letter.
19 March 2013
For the time being I believe it is best to keep this communication secret between you and me. Please answer me at Ridanos@gmail.com. Do not use QQ because she sits beside me.
I have several concerns about your sister. She has diabetes type 2. She has gotten very fat. Many of her clothes are no longer possible for her to use. She eats all the time. She actually eats more than I do! She eats things that are not good for people with diabetes.
Overweight is dangerous for people with diabetes.
Here is some information about diabetes.
Main article: Complications of diabetes mellitus
All forms of diabetes increase the
risk of long-term complications. These typically develop after many
years (10–20), but may be the first symptom in those who have otherwise
not received a diagnosis before that time. The major long-term
complications relate to damage toblood
vessels. Diabetes doubles the risk of cardiovascular
diseases (related to atherosclerosis of
larger arteries) are ischemic
heart disease (angina andmyocardial
infarction), stroke and periph
Diabetes also damages the capillaries (causes microangiopathy). Diabetic retinopathy, which affects blood vessel formation in the retina of the eye, can lead to visual symptoms, reduced vision, and potentially blindness. Diabetic nephropathy, the impact of diabetes on the kidneys, can lead to scarring changes in the kidney tissue, loss of small or progressively larger amounts of protein in the urine, and eventually chronic kidney disease requiring dialysis. Diabetic neuropathy is the impact of diabetes on the nervous system, most commonly causing numbness, tingling and pain in the feet and also increasing the risk of skin damage due to altered sensation. Together with vascular disease in the legs, neuropathy contributes to the risk of diabetes-related foot problems (such as diabetic foot ulcers) that can be difficult to treat and occasionally require amputation.
I believe some of her symptoms are psychological. This can be related to problems in China. It is also clear that she is not happy with her marriage to me. She has said to others that the marriage is failed. She will endure until she gets a long visa. I believe she plans to leave me as soon as she gets a long visa and a job.
Her son is clearly an enormous burden for your sister. She worries about him and sends him money. She only gets 4000 a month. She gave him money to buy a new telephone. I believe it was 3700. That is over 90% of her total monthly income! I would never accept a gift of 3700 from a person I knew only earned 4000 a month.
In my opinion it is damaging to just give people money without making some demands. Just giving people money without demands pacifies them and makes them lazy. I have read about the one child policy in China and the negative consequences this has on society. These children are usually spoiled like a little emperor. As long as she gives him money and provides for him he will continue to do nothing. The Proverb - Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” is relevant.
He should either get rid of the tattoo and join the army or get a job. Your sister is now working from 08:00 until 16:00 every day in the kindergarten. She works very hard to earn that money and is very tired when she comes home.
I make about 20.000 a month. I give her 4000. In addition I gave her all the money from selling cats – about 40.000. I also gave her 20.000 December 2011 to help with her bank loans. I pay for everything else. Electricity, food, internet, telephone, house insurance, car reparations (about 30.000 per year), fuel for the car (about 1300 just to fill the tank), restaurant (in Norway 400-700 for two people) , trips to china, Germany, Denmark, Spain, Sweden.
I have temporarily stopped breeding cats. Your sister hates the cats. I will not get rid of the cats! I like the cats. I can make money breeding cats in the future if I need.
Financial problems seem to be a great burden for your sister. It is unwise to borrow money if you are not 100% sure you can pay back in time. If I understand correct your sister borrowed 250000 in 2010 to buy the apartment. This 250000 was to be paid back February 2012! This would not be possible in Norway with her income of less than 4000 a month. It seems crazy and irresponsible to me. Better to sell the apartment and buy a smaller. Avoid the chronic anguish and all the frantic temporary emergency financial solutions.
She does not confide in me her financial problems.
I will absolutely never get involved in financial affairs I do not fully understand. I do not approve of risky things like gambling or the stock market.
I do not know the details but I have been told her brother is also a financial burden.
We are married and she refuses to sign an agreement separating our economy. Accordingly the money she sends to china is actually “our money” not “her money”!
Some of the problem is me. She is not happy here in Norway with me. She rarely sings or plays the piano I bought for her any more.
In Norway we have a marriage counseling office with professionals for helping with such problems. They have a person that translates. I have taken her to the marriage counseling office 6 times. She does not like to go. Because of her unwillingness it has not been very helpful.
I believe some event has dramatically changed her feelings for me. Do you have any idea what event has turned her against me?
Do you predict any end to the financial problems?
My wife's brother responded to my letter.
I choose not at this time to publish his responses for several reasons. First of all I would need to have accurate translations of the letters. Secondly my only intention with the correspondence was to inform him, initially in a roundabout sort of way, that the economic burden he placed upon us was doing great damage to our marriage. To say it brutally I’m not particularly interested in what he has to say unless it is concrete and specific strategies to reduce the economic burden. His replies are suitable for playing bullshit bingo. If you don’t know what bullshit bingo is take a look at this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1HGqSIzZ_o
This is my response to him:
Jing Chuan. 21.03.13
This did not seem to have much
effect. So I wrote a new letter.
(* My wife
actually wants to sell the apartment but her brother strongly against
In one of his letters he wrote something about sexual relationships.
Her brother replied with a fairly
long bull shit bingo letter. About hard times in China, an Olympic gold
medal winner who now must beg on the street, it costs 30 Yuan to go to a
movie theatre. He writes about the Chinese tradition that the oldest
sibling is responsible for the younger siblings… In other words my
message is not getting across.
I will again explain why I have given up discussing problems directly with my wife. The only way we can directly communicate is with the Google translator. Google translator is ok for some practical things. For example what we need to buy in the shop. Planning of some activities. Even with simple things there can be problems. Google translator does not always translate numbers correctly. I have seen cases where 1 thousand (1000) was translated to 1 million (1000000) and 1500 translated to 15!
Communicating about problems in our relationship with the Google translator has usually made the problem dramatically worse.
From March 2012 until September 2012 I tried to use a Chinese woman Martha that had been in Norway since 1972. She was a nurse and spoke perfect Norwegian. Martha did not like me in the beginning. This is because your sister was saying very negative things about me to Martha. She told Martha that:
She was not satisfied with our marriage.
I was controlling my wife and treating her like a prisoner.
I was treating her unfairly.
Refusing her things mobile telephone, Chinese computer.
Refuse her contact with male students.
I did not want her son to visit Norway.
I was selfish, stingy and think only of myself.
She told her she would leave me as soon as she learned the language, got a job and a permanent visa.
I spent a lot of time talking and writing to Martha. My goal was for Martha to help with our relationship. Eventually Martha found the things your sister was saying about me were not always correct.
Unfortunately Martha lied to me about a letter your sister wrote to her in August. I am an honest person and I expect people to be honest with me! I do not tolerate liars. Accordingly I have no more contact with Martha. This and several other events have done great harm to the trust between your sister and me.
I tried to establish a communication and cooperation with your sister with the family counseling office. We have been there a total of 6 times.
Your sister said “she did not see any need for help from the family counseling office at all!” She said we did not have any serious problems in our marriage. She has told me clearly that she does not want to go to the family counseling office. We had an appointment with the family counseling office 02.04.2013. I have canceled it.
Direct face to face communication with your sister has failed.
Even when things are explained there are conflicts. Your sister does not understand Norwegian good enough to manage her affairs with governmental agencies as the the Norwegian Labour and Welfare Administration. I act as her power of attorney. She got a sealed envelope from the kindergarten she was to deliver to Norwegian Labour and Welfare Administration. As her power of attorney I need to see and record absolutely all documents. I also need to check for mistakes. Your sister got angry because I would photograph the document. This was explained to your sister by NNs daughter who speaks perfect Norwegian. Apparently your sister still things this is an abusive and controlling behavior. I shall in the future refrain from document control.
About the foundation of our marriage.
Jenny introduced me to your sister October 2010. Jenny told me she worked in a bank, owned 2 houses, was a singer and was interested in moving to the west.
Following are some experts from our Skype chat log. The entire chat log is 452 pages consisting of 99666 words. I call myself “Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery”. Agatha is the name of one of my cats. Ridanos is the name of my cat breeding business.
We exchange many pictures and videos. I send her pictures of my cats. She also sees and hears my cats on skype video.
[14.10.2010 14:23:13] (my wife): Cat's voice, I love to listen to
[14.10.2010 20:34:58] (my wife): I did not see the cute kittens
[14.10.2010 20:36:15] (my wife): I like to hear them
We exchange pictures of her house and my house and garden. I am honest about my house and garden being messy.
[14.10.2010 22:38:09] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: my garden
[14.10.2010 22:39:56] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: such a nice house you have!
[14.10.2010 22:40:20] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: mine is very messy
[14.10.2010 22:40:31] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: a man live alone!
[16.10.2010 08:06:16] (my wife): Cat is very smart, I see you teach her how to work to obtain food. I like it.
[17.10.2010 00:31:32] (my wife): When can you come to China again this year, I still have twenty days vacation. I can accompany you
[17.10.2010 00:32:05] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: Im not sure i must sell the cats
[17.10.2010 00:32:17] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: mabey i could come in december
[17.10.2010 00:41:17] (my wife): I also have a good husband, I need a love me, for me, money is not important, I want real love.
[17.10.2010 00:42:24 | Edited 00:42:46] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: same here i want someone to care for me and love me
[17.10.2010 00:53:17] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: I am in a similar situation. I don’t like western women. they lie, cheat, drink alcohol till they are drunk.
[17.10.2010 00:53:36] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: many smoke and even chew tobacco
[17.10.2010 00:53:49] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: many are mentally unstable
[17.10.2010 00:54:03] (my wife): Please be assured that you are good to me, love me, I know, I will take good care of you, life is two things, is mutual.
[17.10.2010 01:34:54 | Edited 01:35:34] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: I do understand your fear. it would be important for you to make new friends here in Norway.
[17.10.2010 01:36:40] (my wife): No, I do not want in Norway have new friends, your friends are my friends.
[17.10.2010 01:38:25] (my wife): I play the piano, I sing, I like to do manual labor, you have the garden, as well as kittens, the most important thing is the love you gave me, I will not feel lonely
[17.10.2010 01:38:33] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: it is important for you to get a social network. There are many Chinese here that would be good friends for you, and could later be my friends also
[17.10.2010 01:40:16] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i worry that you may feel lonely. If i love you i would worry about that and try do make sure you were not lonely
[17.10.2010 01:41:05] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you could maybe sing together with others in Norway
[17.10.2010 01:42:50] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i would give you love
[17.10.2010 01:43:01] (my wife): No, I really do not need new friends, but also the Internet, as well as novels, do not know if you understand Chinese calligraphy? I liked it, my father is also an amateur painter, he painted the landscape of Guilin well, but also sell to our home revenue.
[17.10.2010 01:44:03] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i have seen Chinese calligraphy but i don’t know much about it
[17.10.2010 01:45:58] (my wife): Yes, I believe that my language well, my voice will attract a lot of people, but communication with them must be under the protection of your.
[17.10.2010 18:48:45] (my wife): Please tell me, I went to Norway, I need to work? Perhaps take care of you and the cat, garden, and our home? I listen to your arrangement.
[17.10.2010 18:49:41] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you probably would not need to work because i get 20000 cny and also sell cats
[17.10.2010 18:50:40] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: however it is important that you meet other people in Norway so maybe you could teach music
[17.10.2010 18:51:55] (my wife): No matter where to go, first of all, our bodies to health, family maintain good, stable, and can go out and play
[17.10.2010 18:51:57] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: do things that you like
[17.10.2010 18:55:17] (my wife): I think that if you do not affect my care of you, does not affect the care of our families, do not affect our emotional life, the opportunity, I will consider playing to teach children to sing, for our families to increase income.
[17.10.2010 18:55:57] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes
[17.10.2010 18:57:15] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: the income is not the most important. I would not want you to get bored or lonely here.
[17.10.2010 18:58:31] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i want you to be happy!
[17.10.2010 18:58:53] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i want to be a good husband for you!
[17.10.2010 19:00:57] (my wife): Oh! These are all you need to take care of, I'd better take care of those with you now, do not worry, I will like to take care of cats.
[17.10.2010 19:04:19] (my wife): Do not worry, I will not be lonely, and today, you have come up with guitar, there are other instruments, how should I loneliness? We can also return to China once a year, right?
[17.10.2010 19:04:55] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes we can spend some time in china
[17.10.2010 19:05:22] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: as long as i can get some one to look after the cats
[17.10.2010 19:05:39] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i sell kittens for arround 6-7000 cny
[17.10.2010 19:06:48] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: my house is very untidy. i am a man that lives alone
[17.10.2010 19:09:23] (my wife): I live with you married to Norway, I applied for retirement.
[17.10.2010 19:09:51] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: ok
[17.10.2010 19:11:57] (my wife): Please be assured that I am a hardworking woman, beauty, and I will clean our house clean.
[17.10.2010 19:12:36] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: ok
[17.10.2010 22:28:39] (my wife): You are very early breeding cat?
[17.10.2010 22:28:53] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i bagan in 2005
[18.10.2010 21:37:34] (my wife): I'm your wife, I want to help you to wear clean clothes, buttons to fasten.
[18.10.2010 21:39:14] (my wife): When you go out to sell the cat is very handsome and attractive to buy a cat person.
[18.10.2010 21:39:37] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: people come here to by cats
[18.10.2010 21:40:39] *** Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery sent Ricard Norton Norway 800.JPG ***
[18.10.2010 21:41:51] (my wife): Oh! Is the same, they see a very handsome cat owners, they will feel comfortable, especially women, to make them feel you are well. So that your business will get better
[18.10.2010 21:42:03] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes
[18.10.2010 21:42:10] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: that is important
I send her pictures of my workshop building and house.
[26.10.2010 22:27:58] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you still want to marry me when you see how untidy?
[26.10.2010 22:28:25] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: it is mine!
[26.10.2010 22:28:32] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i own it
[26.10.2010 22:28:44] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: over 2000 M2
[26.10.2010 22:29:47] (my wife): Now is your house is a mess. i understand that i was also the case. but after he married, must be all right, i'll sort
[26.10.2010 23:48:56] (my wife): Thank you, my classmate see your cat very happy and
[28.10.2010 19:02:20] (my wife): Bank loans to buy a house every month to repay bank loans, please be assured that you live in my home I can supply you consume
[28.10.2010 19:03:41] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i will bring money
[28.10.2010 19:03:52] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: about 20000 cny
[28.10.2010 19:04:10] (my wife): Also bank loans, I have a plan, you need not worry.
[28.10.2010 19:06:10] (my wife): We are two people with mutual interest is important.
[28.10.2010 19:11:42] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes, you are a happy person. I like that. I get about 20000 RMB every month retirement from the government
[28.10.2010 19:11:56] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: and i also sell cats
[28.10.2010 19:12:30] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: that is enough money to live comfortably
[28.10.2010 19:13:30 | Edited 19:13:37] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: if we get married and you come to Norway i want to buy a small farm
[28.10.2010 19:13:46] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: would you like that?
[28.10.2010 19:15:55] (my wife): 可以的
[28.10.2010 20:36:45] (my wife): Richard, I have 25 days holiday a year or so, if you need to leave no money, now I want to prepare for retirement procedures?
[28.10.2010 20:39:35] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: we should be very sure we love eachother. i get the visa 04 november. i will then come to you as soon as i can get a cheap flight.
[28.10.2010 20:40:11] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: when i am there we can talk about our future.
[28.10.2010 20:40:42] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i want you to be 100% sure you like me.
[28.10.2010 20:41:08] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: I want you to be 100% sure you would like Norway!
[28.10.2010 20:41:32] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: If we get married i want it to be forever
[28.10.2010 20:42:02] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i want to be sure you would be happy with me
[28.10.2010 20:44:39] (my wife): ok, I understand, I assure you, I love you have confirmed, so you come with us to discuss the future, then I applied for early retirement
[28.10.2010 20:45:00] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: ok
[29.10.2010 00:18:44] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: 我一定要找到负责人，可以照顾我的猫科动物保健
[29.10.2010 00:19:07] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i have many cats! 16 now. Before I had 19!
[29.10.2010 00:19:21] (my wife): yes
[06.11.2010 23:50:18 | Edited 23:51:18] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: idiot cats!
[06.11.2010 23:50:39] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: pee on the floor! :@
[06.11.2010 23:52:22] (my wife): You do not teach it to the toilet?
[06.11.2010 23:53:01] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes but sometimes they do it to attract other cats
[06.11.2010 23:54:02] (my wife): I see you can teach them to get food
[06.11.2010 23:54:07] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: yes
[06.11.2010 23:54:50] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: the male cat pees very often
[06.11.2010 23:55:05] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: the girl not so often
[15.01.2011 19:10:29] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: can you find out about importing cat to china?
[15.01.2011 19:14:56] (my wife): 我知道桂林目前没有接收进口动物的规定。在中国只有沿海，边防贸易才能进口动物。I know that Guilin is currently no requirement to receive imported animals. In China only the coastal areas, border trade to import animals.
[15.01.2011 19:16:10] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: firstname.lastname@example.org
[15.01.2011 19:17:38] (my wife): 这是什么？What is this?
[15.01.2011 19:17:53] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you can ask them for information
[15.01.2011 19:20:47] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: Shanghai Office:Mr. Francis Xu Office: +86 21 5452 0643 Fax: +86 21 5452 5643 Mobile: +86 135 121 07 077 email@example.com [15.01.2011 19:23:07] my wife: 我会做这件事情，我在网上看到了，但是我不能连接网址给你，是北京的资料。I will do this thing, I read, but I can not connect to your Web site, the information in Beijing. [15.01.2011 19:26:19] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: International Center for Veterinary Services No. 29 Liang Ma Qiao Road, An Jia Lou Chaoyang District, Beijing, China 100125 (In the same courtyard as the Chinese Culture Center) 地址： 北京新天地国际动物医院 北京市朝阳区安家楼亮马桥路29号，邮编：100125 肯特中心院内 Tel: 8610-8456-1939/1940/1941 Fax: 8610-6433-2301 E-mail: ICVS_CHINA@yahoo.com web site: www.ICVSASIA.com
[15.01.2011 19:27:21] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you can ring them about importing cats
[15.01.2011 19:27:33] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: Tel: 8610-8456-1939/1940/1941
[15.01.2011 19:29:05] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: Pet Relocation Companies:
1) Charles Feng - Globy Pet Relocation Tel: (8610) 8762-5020 Toll Free: 40088-38011 Fax: (8610) 8762-5281 Email: Beijing@globypetrelo.com Web site: www.globypetrelo.com 2). Kiki Chen - World Care Pet Transport Pet & Household goods specialist Tel: (8610) 8459-3008/2858 Cell: (86) 138-0110-2540 Fax:(8610) 6213-2244 e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Web site: www.worldcarepet.com 3) Holly Fang- Asian Tigers Tel: (8610) 6415-1188 Fax: 6417-9579 e-mail: email@example.com Web site: www.asiantigers-china.com
[15.01.2011 19:30:48] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: it can be a future business for us to export cats to china
[15.01.2011 19:31:13] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: it is getting hard to sell cats in norway
[15.01.2011 19:33:37] (my wife): 中国的价格会比挪威便宜，你接受吗？Chinese prices cheaper than Norway, do you accept?
[15.01.2011 19:34:30] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: but i have seen them for sale at websites in china for 15000 cny!
[15.01.2011 19:35:59] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: I am sure there are many rich in china that want an exotic pet but don't want a pet that barks and is a lot of work
[15.01.2011 19:37:34] (my wife): 好的，我会尽力去做这件事情。Yes, I will try to do all these things
[15.01.2011 19:37:55] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: not every one likes dogs
[15.01.2011 19:38:12] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: many like cats
[15.01.2011 19:38:31] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: rich people like status symbols
[15.01.2011 19:39:21] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: jade, expencieve car, house, exotic pet Bengal cat
[15.01.2011 19:41:03] (my wife): expensive？
[15.01.2011 19:41:25] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: rich in china that have a polished stone in there house that cost 200.000 and want a exotic pet don’t care if it cost 10.000 or 20.000
[15.01.2011 19:41:44] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: expensive
[15.01.2011 19:42:16] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i think we can make money exporting pets to china
[15.01.2011 19:42:51] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: you should contact these and ask: Pet Relocation Companies:
[15.01.2011 19:43:14] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: they would know about this
[15.01.2011 19:43:41] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: and maybe know people that want Bengal cats
[15.01.2011 19:44:25] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: this is my cat website: http://ridanos.com/cats.htm
[15.01.2011 19:49:41] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: i have seen before on taobao.com bengal cats for sale!
[15.01.2011 19:50:26] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: search for cat on taobao.com'
[15.01.2011 19:53:30] Agatha @ (N)Ridanos cattery: http://bbs.taobao.com/catalog/424002.htm
[15.01.2011 21:28:05] (my wife): 你一定要小心选择照顾猫的人。You must be careful in choosing people to take care of the cat.
[06.05.2011 22:24:51] (my wife): She said: her cat is very gentle, do not bite,
I said, my husband likes cats.
She said: foreigners are like cats, animals, aliens are to comply with regulations.
She said to me: "Your husband like animals, then certainly his character very well "
As can be seen from the Skype chat log my cats are a dominating subject.
I am entirely honest with your sister from the beginning about how many cats I have.
I am entirely honest from the beginning about some of the negative aspects of breeding cats. I.e. they can pee on the floor. If we travel someone must look after them.
I am entirely honest from the beginning about my home being untidy.
I am entirely honest from the beginning about my financial situation!
Your sister accepts this. She does not even want to work in Norway!
[17.10.2010 18:48:45] “Please tell me, I went to Norway, I need to work? Perhaps take care of you and the cat, garden, and our home? I listen to your arrangement.”
The only information I get about her financial situation is “[28.10.2010 19:04:10] (my wife): Also bank loans, I have a plan, you need not worry.”
Now the situation is quite different!
Your sister has absolutely no interest in cats. She earned approximately 40,000 tax free in a 2 month period selling cats! She is not interested in breeding and selling cats. She has told Martha and several other persons that she hates the cats and will leave after she gets a permanent visa because of the cats.
Teaching singing and music.
A Norwegian boy about 10 and his mother came one day to look at my cats. Coincidentally the boy was interested in the piano. He is also interested in Chinese writing/calligraphy. The mother wanted her son to have piano lessons agreed to pay Your sister 300 for 1 hour.
I tried to convince Your sister to get more students, preferably Chinese students. Your sister does not speak Norwegian good enough to publicly advertise for Norwegian students. Chinese people that are highly educated can fairly easily immigrate to Norway and bring their family. NN is an example of this. Her husband works at (redacted). Both her children speak fluent Chinese, Norwegian and English.
There are many such Chinese people in Norway that are potential students for your sister.
I published about 10 videos of her teaching sang and piano in China. The videos included both children and adults.
In cooperation with your sister and NN, I wrote an advertisement for sang and piano lessons for Chinese people that could be posted in a church where many Chinese go.
It is in Norwegian language.
“Kinesisk sang- og pianoundervisning på kinesisk. 声乐、钢琴教学信息：
Jeg heter NN og er utdannet fra Guangxi Arts Institute Music i Kina, videreutdanning i musikk, Bachelor degree 4-year undergraduate.
Jeg har nylig giftet meg med en amerikaner som bor i Norge og snakker norsk. Foreløpig snakker jeg ikke bra nok norsk til å kunne underviser på norsk. Jeg har mye erfaring med privatundervisning i Kina og ønsker å fortsette med dette her i Norge. Jeg kan tilby sang- og piano undervisning til voksne og barn på kinesisk. Jeg har piano hjemme i Ski.
Du kan se video av min undervisning og høre noen sanger fra min CD ved å gå på Ridanos.com.”
Your sister refuses to post the advertisement. She was not in the mood because I will take her to the family counseling office!
I suggested that if she eventually got many students we could start a business. There are very many advantages to starting a business in Norway. It is complicated but the advantages have to do with tax, retirement benefits, medical and sick leave.
This suggestion just made her angry. Of course it is not wise to start a company with someone you are planning to divorce as soon as you get a good enough job to be independent. It is not wise to start a company with someone that controls you, is stingy, that you must “endure” until you get a long visa.
The winter in Norway is long, cold and dark. Norwegians like to travel to the south of Europe where it is warm – Spain, Tenerife, Italy, Greece, Portugal, etc. during Norwegian holidays these trips are very expensive. Often between 5000 and 10000 for one week. Our recent trip to Tenerife cost around total 12000 (flight, hotel, car, food).
Since I am retired I can travel when it is not holidays. On the weekend 06.04.13 to 08.04.13 there was a trip to a 4 star hotel for 600! Including the flight. 600 is dinner for 2 in a Norwegian restaurant (no beer or wine.) (my wife) did not want to go! She would need to take free Monday 08.04.13 and would lose 300 kroner!
This is totally unacceptable for me. I am retired and wish to travel some places while I can. I want a wife that can accompany me. I refuse to have what is left of my life destroyed and degraded because my wife must work like a slave in a kindergarten to pay for other people’s gambling debts or other risky foolishness like stock market. Why should I suffer because somebody in China borrowed money and is unable to pay it back? As can be seen from the skype chat log this is not the wife I bargained for. Not interested in cats. Not interested in working at home. Wants to work full time like a slave.
Your sister has refused to sign a material agreement regarding “division of property”. Accordingly by Norwegian marriage law it is our money she is sending to China!
In 2012 your sister has sent approximately 130.000 of our money to China. This is equivalent to the yearly income of 6 or 7 people in Guilin! This has not alleviated the financial situation. People are still borrowing money they can’t pay back.
I do NOT approve of our money used for these irresponsible financial acrobatics. I will also mention that your sister does not confide in me about her financial affairs. This is not in accordance with Norwegian marriage law:
§ 39. Opplysningsplikt om økonomiske forhold.
Ektefeller har plikt til å gi hverandre de opplysningene som er nødvendige for å vurdere deres økonomiske stilling. For dette formålet kan en ektefelle kreve at den andre ektefellen og ligningsmyndighetene gir opplysninger om eller kopi av den felles eller den andre ektefellens selvangivelse og ligning. En ektefelle kan også kreve opplysninger av selskaper, foretak eller andre institusjoner som driver finansieringsvirksomhet eller forsikringsvirksomhet, og av andre som har midler til forvaltning.
I recommend that your sister return to China to settle her financial affairs and the situation regarding her son. She is suffering here in Norway. She is not happy with me.
What is most important?
Your sister’s happiness, psychological and physical health or your financial problems?
I will pay for her round trip flight. It is difficult to give advice about financial affairs in China particularly when things are kept secret. I believe she should consider selling her apartment and buying a cheaper one that she can afford. Her son is an enormous psychological burden for your sister. She should return to China and help him find a job or get him in some sort of school.
While in China your sister needs to carefully consider if she really wants to continue to be married with me. If the marriage is to continue we can apply for a new visa. (The door is closed – but not locked.)
Your sister has studied Norwegian for nearly 2 years. She is an attractive woman. If the marriage is not to continue she has the possibility divorcing me and finding a new man in Norway. She is familiar with Norwegian culture and writes and speaks enough Norwegian to go on a Norwegian dating site.
She should be able to find a kinder and more generous man than I.
Some sources informed me that my wife was maybe planning to go to the woman’s shelter and apply for a visa by herself. Her brother wanted her to remain in Norway and earn money to pay his debts. This was also confirmed by sources in China that know her brother.
In a meeting 16.04.2013 with NN I made it clear to my wife that I wanted her to return to China and fix her financial affairs. I would not renew her visa.
I wrote the following to her brother:
I will NOT apply for a renewed family reunification visa.
I will pay for your sisters return flight to China.
I will continue paying her 4000 for a time.
I will compensate her for loss of income from her present job in the kindergarten.
I will pay for the return of her property to china.
If she moves away from this address to the Office for the Protection of Women and Children or anywhere else, I will immediately inform the police and Norwegian Directorate of Immigration.
I will stop giving her 4000 and she will need to pay her own return to China and the cost of living here in Norway.
I will immediately file for a divorce. I will do everything in my power to prevent her from getting such a visa approved! I will send documentation about her exploitation of me. This documentation will be on permanent record with the police and Norwegian Directorate of Immigration. Such documentation and conflicts registered with the police and Norwegian Directorate of Immigration is not a good thing.
Your sister has devoted much time and effort learning Norwegian. She should accept my offer and return to China. She is an attractive woman with many good qualities and can easily find a new man from Norway. I will help her if she wants. She should try to keep me as a friend not an enemy.Richard
My sources in China warn me that my wife is contriving with her brother about fabricating false sexual abuse allegations!
I wrote the following letter to my wifes brother and her sister:
Your sister just lost a lot of money! Somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000! I had previously said I would continue giving her 4000 a month. My intention was to continue giving her 4000 until August. April to august is 5 months = 20,000. I had also previously said I would compensate for the money she gets from the kindergarten. I am no longer willing to do this! That money is now reserved for lawyers and courts.
Your sister is fabricating a secret complaint about me and the living conditions here. Included, in this secret complaint, are what appear to be false allegations regarding sexual abuse! She is writing the complaint on a paper. My lawyer and I believe this is a complaint to the police. Her brother seems to be cooperating and encouraging this incredibly foolish stupid behavior.
I certainly have, without success, pressured my wife to seek professional help with our sexual problems. I have NEVER EVER abused her sexually! Possibly she is sexually abused by someone else?
I want you to pay special attention to the following paragraph. Get it translated properly by a person with a good understanding of English.
According to my sources my wife actually wants to leave Norway and get a divorce! She is depressed and unhappy here. She is not satisfied with our marriage. She is not satisfied with the living conditions. It is her younger brother who insisted that she remain in Norway so that she can pay his debts! She occasionally takes initiative to sex but I get the impression she finds it sex with me repulsive. Is her brother asking his sister to remain in an unsatisfactory relationship which includes sex with someone she finds repulsive to pay his debts?! That is sexual abuse! Sexual abuse by proxy. What a vile nasty unforgivable thing to do.
Sexual abuse is a serious crime in Norway. False complaints are also a serious crime. Yesterday morning I went to the Norwegian Directorate of Immigration UDI. I told them that I would not renew my wife’s visa. I told them about the problems we have been having since August 2012*. About my wife’s reluctance to meetings with the family counseling office. I told them that after my wife learned I would not renew her visa there are indications she is planning to complain about sexual abuse. The UDI noted our names and ID numbers. I was told to talk to the police. I had a long talk with the police. The police wrote a short rapport about this.
* Several events occurred during August and September that seriously damaged my trust in my wife. One event regards a letter written by my wife in Chinese containing a statement which could be interpreted such that she was planning to divorce as soon as she got a permanent residence permit. In order to get an accurate interpretation of the letter, part of it was posted here under the heading “Is my wife planning to leave me when she gets a permanent residence permit?”: http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/148458.asp
This is away from the Chinese community in Norway. It was posted using the pseudo name “Badnews” to protect my wife.
Do you think this is in your sister’s favor? Your sister has been in Norway for almost 2 years. Your sister attends Norwegian language class 4 days a week. Your sister has struggled very hard to learn Norwegian. Your sister has invested 2 years struggling. Your sister is competent enough in Norwegian to find a new man in Norway if she wants.
The police rapport and my conversations with UDI are probably now on permanent record. This alone is not enough to have any negative impact on a future visa application. Many people have some trouble in a divorce situation. But your sister, her brother and whoever is advising my wife here in Norway are playing with fire! Her brother and whoever is advising my wife here in Norway have now caused her to lose between 20,000 and 30,000! I clearly stated in a meeting with the family counseling office 21.11.12, with a Chinese interpreter that any false claims to the police or any other authorities will result in an immediate counter complaint. This sort of trouble is on permanent record with the police and UDI is definitely not helpful to your sister!
Someone in Norway is giving my wife very bad advice. This person is either stupid or ill-informed. I would strongly advise this person to contact me before you cause more trouble for my wife.
My wife’s brother wants her to remain in Norway so she can send him money to pay his debts. I understand that my wife’s brother borrowed 30,000 from a woman Joey祖儿 in January. The money was not paid back so now WE must pay! Did you notice I wrote “WE must pay”. I did not write “my wife must pay”. WE, WE, WE. It is not HER money it is OUR money! We are married and the money is by Norwegian law OUR money! Why! Because my wife followed the advice of some idiots that advised her not to sign the agreement about the division of property. Just in 2012 my wife has sent 130,000 of our money to China! I give her 4,000 a month = 48,000. 40,000 for selling cats. Gave my wife 20,000 to pay debts. Around 20,000 from NAV. And someone has the audacity to say I am stingy!!
My income is about 20,000 a month or 240.000 per year. More than half my income sent to China! In addition I pay all costs of living here in Norway! Me stingy! I will show you stingy!
If my wife insists on staying in Norway I will discuss with my lawyer legal means of preventing more of OUR money getting exported to China.
I want my wife to return to China as soon as possible. I do not want someone running loose in Norway contriving behind my back and writing secret complaints. My wife is now a “loose cannon” here in Norway. Think of a large sailing ship with many heavy cannons in a storm. A loose cannon is something that can make you nervous. My wife is now desperate and I can understand that. My wife and particularly those who are advising her need to understand that my wife has no advantage in having me an enemy.
18.04.13 my wife's friend in sandefjørd told her she was going to Guilin 04.05.13. My wife asked me to buy her plane ticket on that date but she can travel to China with her friend. I bought a roundtrip ticket for 7446 kroner.
I wrote the following her brother and sister 22.04.13:
As you know your sister is leaving Norway 04.05.2013 and returning to China.
This is less than 2 weeks from now. I have paid for her flight.
It is my hope that these last 2 weeks pass without problems, conflicts, secret contriving, secret accusations or slander.
If all goes well I will continue sending her money after she returns to China. How much and for how long is partially dependent on how these 2 weeks pass.
2 weeks can be a very long time. 2 weeks can be a short time.
Someone has been giving your sister very bad advice. This bad advice has increased the conflict level.
Your sister may need to cooperate with me regarding the divorce, Norwegian tax, The Norwegian Labour and Welfare Service (NAV) etc. She has absolutely nothing to gain financially or otherwise by an increased conflict level.
Unfortunately someone has advised my wife to not to return to China. They advised her to move to the woman’s shelter and make false allegations that I had abused her! Her brother is also encouraging her and giving advice about these false allegations.
I wrote the following letter to the shelter for women and incest victims.
This letter is in Norwegian language. Would anyone care to translate into Chinese or English?
Krise- Og Incestsenteret I Follo
Ang. Min kone NN 28.04.13
NN kom til Norge på en familiegjenforenings visum 07.06.2011. Visum skal fornyes hvert år. Jeg har tidligere denne måned fortalt henne at jeg ønsker ikke at dette visum fornyes. Jeg ba henne reise tilbake til kina og forsøke å rette på noen av de alvorlig økonomiske forhold som er helt uforenelig med fortsatte ekteskap. Et annet forhold er hennes uttalelser til ulike individer om at hennes ekteskap med meg er noe hun må «tåle» og «holde ut med» for å få permanent oppholdstillatelse i Norge.
Kort tid etter jeg fortalte henne at jeg ønsker ikke at dette visum fornyes mottok jeg opplysninger om at hun hadde vært i kontakt med Krise- Og Incestsenteret I Follo. Jeg har forstått det slik at hun arbeidet med en klager om bo forhold. Klagen skulle også innhold fabrikert påstander om et eller annen form for seksuelle overgrep.
Etter jeg å bli gjort kjent med dette har jeg hatt en samtale med UDI og politiet.
Det 18.04.13 oppdaget min kone at ei kinesisk vinne skulle reise hjem til kina 04.05.15. Min kone ba meg kjøpe flybillett for henne på denne dato. Jeg har kjøpte billetten. (7 446,00 NOK)
Den 25.04.13 har min kone flyttet til Krise- Og Incestsenteret I Follo. Jeg har forstått det slik at hun har fått råd om å la være å benytte flybilletten.
Hvis hun ikke benytter billetten er det hun som må, på et eller annen måte, dekke tapet.
Helt siden hun kom til Norge har hun fått kr 4000 «lome penger/kompensasjon for husarbeid» hver måned. Pengene ble satt in på hennes konto og kan følgelig dokumenteres. Hun fikk ca. 40.000 fra salg av katter. (Jeg driver med katteoppdrett.). Dette kan dokumenteres. Totalt hittil har hun sent ca. 180.000 NOK av vår penger til kina! Jeg har betalt alt annet, alt til livets opphold, 2 reiser til kina, flere reiser til tyskland, spania, Danmark. Hun har ikke bidratt økonomiske overhode til fellesskapet.
Jeg håper de personer som gi henne råd tar disse opplysninger i betraktning.